I Stole a Little Girl's Bike

We think it would be funny if you found a pink and white little girl's bike in someone's trash pile and rode around with us. Well I found you one the other night. I was pulling into our driveway at close to midnight when the neighbor's trash pile caught my eye. There it was: tiny with white tires and pink pedals and pink grips. I snagged it for you. As I examined it I found nothing wrong other than a flat back tire. Gosh, I really hope the neighbors were getting rid of it, because if they weren't, I just stole it. Please understand, I did not steal this bike. I didn't punch a little girl in the face, knock her down and ride off on her bike. I found it. In a trash pile I found it. I guess technically taking someone's trash IS theft, but who cares? I don't care if you steal my trash.

one more thing about salt lake

Last night I saw a Mormon missionary going into a liquor store. It made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Secret Mormon Handshake

OK. I love Mormons, right? They are pretty much the nicest people ever to head out west and settle and build a beautiful temple. They are kind and thoughtful, and they don't act fake at all.

So when I heard from a freind of a friend of a dishwasher at a popular local pub that there was a secret mormon handshake, I wasn't surprised. But last night I had a startling revelation- (oh did I mention I'm in Salt Lake City for the next few days? OK, back to the revelation-) I have discovered that Mormons walk on the LEFT side of the side walk. I'm not sure if they do this to seek out other Mormons or not, but it would make sense. I experimented with this many times last night, and EVERYTIME, they knew I wasn't a mormon b/c I walked on the right side consistantly. Not that they were discriminatory against me... they kindof just gave me that far-0ff look of forelornment, a slight bit of pity that I'm not allowed in their Temple.

Today I am going to try and walk on the left and see if someone might shake my hand in that "special" way. I really want to go in that temple, but I think I'll have to settle for watching some movies about the history of Joseph Smith in the visitor's center instead. Such is.

We Are the Sliced Strawberry in Your Life

The party was flowin' with a constant roar of talking and laughter. The lights were bright, the carpet was clean, everyone was smiling. People were eating from a smorgesboard of snacks prepared by the host; I had a paper plate with nachos, a peanut butter brownie and a slice of fruit pizza. I clawed at a sliced strawberry and it slipped from my grip and landed on one of the host's bar stools. I looked down at the slice of strawberry on the clean cushion and became oblivious to everything around me. With the strawberry in the center of my vision, the chair and everything around me spun to a blur into my mind. I made a mark...messy and stained as it it is, there is a mark in their house because of my presence. We here at JWU Industries are like that strawberry in your life. We come in, spill drink on your carpet, eat all your food and outstay our welcome. So put on "The Most Awesomest Band", sit back and enjoy some Arizona tea, because we are here for you. You're welcome.

For the Love of Music

Maybe you don't care that the last JWU album featured Benson Broyles of the Pineapple Crackaz on the spoken word track "Sarah" and that Benson is cousins with Brother IZ who was huge in Hawaii and especially famous for his version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow/Wonderful World, a cover of Judy Garland's Somewhere Over the Rainbow from the movie the Wizard of OZ (OZ=IZ, coincidence?) Or maybe you don't care that our song "Rushryche" featured Danny Tivori on vocals and Danny's dad Shimi Tavori is a HUGE pop star in Israel? Well then care about www.live365.com where you can listen to any genre of music any time for as long as you want. I'm listening to 70's music today. I was listening to a Santana song from their second album Abraxas. I'll give a cookie to anyone who can tell me where the title Abraxas comes from. Now I'm listening to Main Ingredient. OK bye.

Cravings for Unedible

I don't really like brushing my teeth. Maybe it's that it takes several minutes of my precious time each day. Maybe it's that I usually brush before I go to bed and usually I 'm tired and don't feel like expending that energy. Maybe it's because I constantly wonder if I'm brushing well enough, or if I need a new brush? Sometimes though, tooth paste tastes bad and you just want to get it out of your mouth. Sometimes tooth paste tastes good though and you almost want to eat it. Haven't you ever wanted to eat toothpaste?

A Poem for the Road

I hate you I hate you
You're always there
I am never alone
You are to my right, to my left, behind me
Most of all you are right in front of me
You suffocate me, can't you leave me alone?
I try to go places you're not, but you show up there
When I am running late you are holding me up
I try so hard to get around, but when I do-you come right back
You're slow, and you're stupid
A lot of times you are overly cautious,
Sometimes you scare me
You are good for nothing
You are traffic