The Neighbor's Incorrigible Dog

He's about the size of our cat, that neighbor's dog with his hoarse non-intimidating bark. He's usually fenced in the backyard but somehow he manages to poop in my front yard. Sometimes there is deer poop in my back yard.
One day (I can't really remember if this is a dream or not) he came over and I saw him getting ready to crap. I opened the front door expecting him to bolt. But no, he was so sure he was right that he stayed there looking at me. I said to him, "C'mon-look, you've nearly covered my front yard in your fecal matter!" And he was like, "Look, I know you all hate me over here but I would like to believe you can look past your raw hatred. Maybe 'dislike' is a more accurate word? I mean, after all, it is only stool and is a part of nature. This shouldn't warrant all-out hatred -I mean, you and I could be friends. I believe you'd understand my point of view if you weren't so biased. Biased by your own use of toilets and your bipedal tendencies. You know, I really think you humans must think you're superior just because you can do arithmetic and what not. Arithmetic is not even that amazing-I mean, who really needs it when they grow up anyways?" He spoke in a weird sort of half-daze almost like he didn't really believe what he was saying or maybe he was bored of what he was saying. Then I realized this was all an elaborate distraction when I saw his pile of dookie.
OK, I'm pretty sure that was dream. But seriously do you follow his logic?

I'm Pretty Smart and Experienced

I was just thinking, and I realized that I'm pretty smart and I have done a lot of things. I'm actually one of the wiser and more experienced people on Earth. You might be wondering how I know this. It is a feeling I have. I just know. Like, I seem to know a lot about things that I don't hear other people ever talking about. For instance, I seem to see and understand that robots are growing in intelligence and numbers. A take over is imminent if we don't heed the warning signs.
Also, I have done many things. Just this weekend I floated the river. Where was everyone else? Sitting at home playing video games I suppose. No one else was out there on the river....well, except several kayaking lesbians. Here are things I have done lately that I bet you haven't:

• Rode my bike
• Made spaghetti sauce
• Drove to Rifle
• Pondered the birds
• Wrote this blog
• Made a Podcast
• Ran
• Watched Planet Earth on a big screen
• Called a girl
• Played mini golf
• Watched a comedian on YouTube
• Ate out
• Watched movies
• I have traveled all over this town and know it like the bottom of my hand

That is only stuff I have done in the last few months. I realize there are not things like, military experience, sky diving, swimming with the dolphins, traveling to far away countries, saving children from burning buildings, etc. but come one, how many people really do those things? Not many. In real life, real experiences are more like "Playing mini golf".
So if life confuses you, ask me your question and I will draw on my vast experience and knowledge to give you a hypothetical rhetorical rebuttal to your musings. (See, I bet you don't even know what half those words are)