one more thing about salt lake

Last night I saw a Mormon missionary going into a liquor store. It made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Secret Mormon Handshake

OK. I love Mormons, right? They are pretty much the nicest people ever to head out west and settle and build a beautiful temple. They are kind and thoughtful, and they don't act fake at all.

So when I heard from a freind of a friend of a dishwasher at a popular local pub that there was a secret mormon handshake, I wasn't surprised. But last night I had a startling revelation- (oh did I mention I'm in Salt Lake City for the next few days? OK, back to the revelation-) I have discovered that Mormons walk on the LEFT side of the side walk. I'm not sure if they do this to seek out other Mormons or not, but it would make sense. I experimented with this many times last night, and EVERYTIME, they knew I wasn't a mormon b/c I walked on the right side consistantly. Not that they were discriminatory against me... they kindof just gave me that far-0ff look of forelornment, a slight bit of pity that I'm not allowed in their Temple.

Today I am going to try and walk on the left and see if someone might shake my hand in that "special" way. I really want to go in that temple, but I think I'll have to settle for watching some movies about the history of Joseph Smith in the visitor's center instead. Such is.

We Are the Sliced Strawberry in Your Life

The party was flowin' with a constant roar of talking and laughter. The lights were bright, the carpet was clean, everyone was smiling. People were eating from a smorgesboard of snacks prepared by the host; I had a paper plate with nachos, a peanut butter brownie and a slice of fruit pizza. I clawed at a sliced strawberry and it slipped from my grip and landed on one of the host's bar stools. I looked down at the slice of strawberry on the clean cushion and became oblivious to everything around me. With the strawberry in the center of my vision, the chair and everything around me spun to a blur into my mind. I made a mark...messy and stained as it it is, there is a mark in their house because of my presence. We here at JWU Industries are like that strawberry in your life. We come in, spill drink on your carpet, eat all your food and outstay our welcome. So put on "The Most Awesomest Band", sit back and enjoy some Arizona tea, because we are here for you. You're welcome.