Survey so We Can Better Survey You

At times JWU takes a reflective look at our target audience and we need to make decisions on how to better entertain you. Please take a moment to fill out this brief survey, print it and email it to 970.270.9038 Thank you!

1. Mail or Femail (Circle one)

2. Your Age: (Circle two)

1-5 yrs

5-10 yrs

10-30 yrs

31-35 yrs

36-100 yrs

100-105 yrs

other

3. How many children do you own? (Circle one)

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 20 or more

4. Would your children eat JWU flavored Cheerios? y, m, n

5. What is your annual household income?

$1,000 - $1500

$1,600 - $1700

$1,700 -$1,800

I'm rich

6. In the next year, do any of your household members plan to buy (check all that apply):

HAM Radio

Commodore 64 Computer

AM/FM Radio

Turntable

Polaroid Camera

VCR

Tape Deck

Walkie Talkies

Calculator

Digital Watch

Lazer Gun

Tape Recorder

Cordless Telephone

110 or 8mm Camera

Flashlight

Car phone

Floppy Diskettes

19" or larger color Television

Walkman

Rollerskates

7. If you had to have your eyes plucked out by crows or you walk down the Vegas Strip naked, which would you choose? Go.

8. Does your household use chewing gum? (yes/no)

9. What sports are your household members into?

Polo

Curling

Disc Golf

Javelin

Hula Hoop

Rollerskating

Origami

Flight

Croquet

Gardening (or extreme gardening)

Amateur Parkour

Calf Roping

10. What hobbies do your household members enjoy?

Poaching

Hang gliding

Ice climbing

Elephant rides

Monkey Training

Skooter Races

BB Gun Tournament

Side walk chalk

Finger Painting

Video Poker

I don't get out much

19. I would like to be notified of special offers & discounts. y/n

email address:___________________

20. How many hours of TV do you watch per day divided by your hours on the internet times 15? ____________

21. Can we contact you about goods and services over telephone? Phone number___________

22. Do you believe in: (circle all that apply)

Aliens

Chupacabre

Santa Claus

Life after love

The Lost City of Atlantis

Humans Evolving from Apes

Pegasus

Unicorns

Leprechauns

Elves

Sprites

Fairies

Trolls

22. Is Superman faster than Flash?

Thank you for taking part in our survey!!! We will enter you in a drawing!

Please place this in a self addresses stamped envelope and mail by March of 2015!

Black Friday

Today is Black Friday. Don't get me wrong, I am all for equality among races, y'know - but when is White Friday? Or Brown Friday? Well, anyway, I'm not gonna make a huge deal out of it. Let's celebrate diversity! Good job for being whatever race you are! There's a lot sales going on today to celebrate our black brothas & sistas! Stores opened really early & here are some deals you could have gotten if you got up early:

Wall Mart - $800
Best Buy - $150
Target - $480
Sears 5%

Okay I'm bored of this.

The Brain Fart

OK, I have to write quickly because I have lots of real work to do! So read quickly to keep up!

The Brain Fart is a term you hear a lot, even though scientists have proven there is no "natural gasline" from the bowls to the cranial region. The closest approximation would be the the esophageal "throat pipe" which does carry gaseous air, but these are known as "burps" or "belches". And no one's ever heard of a "Brain Burp".

The Brian FArt is a term used when people forget something important. There is a small "digestion" of a memory that happens and causes a bubble of gaseous air to form under the occipital lobes. The air pocket must escape and so it travels along the sulci until it finds escape through sinuses, the nasolacrimal duct or even through the ears.

Brain Farts usually come out of the eyes.

It is important to allow the "Fart" to happen. Trying to hold the air in has been known to rupture the Parietal Lobes and cause gas cramps (much like the "Brain Freeze") in the Temporal Lobes. Once in 1946 a business man named Phineas Mauge tried to conceal his forgetfulness. The trapped air blew up his cerebral cortex like a balloon and fractured his scull from the inside. There is even a story, now relegated to myth, that a man in the early 20's inadvertently held the Fart so hard that the resulting pressure on his Frontal Lobes caused his eyes to pop out.

The best way to avoid the Brain Fart is to keep your memory sharp! Fish oil is rumored to keep a memory sharp! So, remember, if you don't want blow your brain to bits by stupidly forgetting things, eat a fish!

Budget Cuts by Yurri Unicorn

Both Elephants AND Donkeys know that U.S. National deficit is out of control (according to this real time calculator the debt goes up about $100K per second!!!). The thing is, no one knows how it got so high or how to fix it. So now all you ever hear in the news is about Budget Cuts. To sum it up I would say it like this: Dems want to cut nothing, Republicans want to cut everything.

Well I propose a third animal, probably a clown. No that's not an animal, how about a unicorn? This magical middle animal would know how to cut the maximum without costing people jobs & getting rid of things we NEED. The unicorn would be able to use his one "corn" to plug into the electrical box at public schools to give them free power. No more cutting teacher jobs. Another big issue is healthcare. Well this magic unicorn will go around the country through people's chimney's delivering free prescription meds. This way there is no need for Medicare/caid.
The unicorn's name is Yurri Unicorn. Yurry would also be able to give people sweet CHFA and FHA loans and offer first time home buyers NO DOWN PAYMENT! Inflation? Yurri's "corn" will pop it! Ssssssssss.

We should definitely vote Yurri president. YURRY UNICORN 2012!!!! He's also perfect on non-budget related issues too! Here's where he stands on major issues:
Abortion: Mother get's rights over body, child get's right to life. Mothers not wanting children will get a restraining order on the child & the child has 9 months to move out.
Same sex marriage: There's a mentality among bachelor's that marriage is the end of fun; "game over". Well Yurry would wave his magic "corn" transferring these sentiments to all homosexuals. Then traditional marriages would last forever, and same sexes would not even want to get married! Fun for everyone!
Defense: We all know what a unicorn would do about war! No more wars! How would America defend itself? you ask. Well, I don't know. I'm sure Yurri can make a force field around the USA.

Well anyway, you can see how this 3rd animal, standing between elephants & donkeys will fix the deficit & America.
Vote for Yurri 2012!!

Money

Dear beloved readers,
NORYB sold out. We heard about a way to make free money. AdSense. So, I just wanted to formerly inform you that I am mostly sorrow for the ads you will now see here. I know, i know, just let me explain. See, sometimes daddy has to do things, dirty things to support your reading. It is all about the money, I admit. Don't worry, you don't have to click the ads but if you do there's money in it for me. So against my better judgement I'm going to help things along by talking about products so that AdSense can link an ad. Things like Nike, Coke, McDonalds, Starbucks, Wal Mart, Wendy's, Pepsi, Taco Bell, Reebok, JC Penny, K Mart, Smashburger, Chipotle, Converse, Burger King, A&W Rootbeer, Arby's, Coleman, Apple, Dell, Carl's Jr., Ross, Barnes & Noble, Red Robin, Canondale, Tipmann, Spalding, the NFL, CBS, Fox, Coldstone, Krispy Cream, Old Navy, Cabella's, Nalgene, Starter, Pizza Hut, ABC, MTV, VH1, Big Lots, Lowes, Subway, Home Depot, Chevy, Pontiac, Gold's Gym, Ford, Windows, XBOX, Dr. Pepper, Slice, Titalist, Mt. Dew, REI, Playstation, Sony, Magnavox, Toyota, Mercedes, Honda, Dodge, Biig O Tires, Applebee's, Q Doba, Del Taco, Hershey's, Adobe, Disney, Reef, DC Shoes, Sector Nine, Kit Kat, Jeep, Casio, Samsung, Philips, Shick, Bic, Mickey Mouse, Time Magazine, Columbia Pictures, City Market, Target, IKEA, Amazon.com, Pandora, Facebook, SAM's Club, Olympus, Canon, The Discovery Channel, Kraft, Meadow Gold, Slice, Staples, Dunder Mifflin, Xerox, NBC, Microsoft, Taco John's, Etnies, Volcom, Hurley, The NBA, Saturn, Shell, Diamond Back, Graco, Fender, Virgin Records, Kleenex, Nintendo, Rayvac, Hoover, Duracell, Xcel Energy, BP, Verizon, Good Times, The New Yorker, Izod, Lamborghini, Rayban, Ryder, Uhaul, Metal Militia, Ed Hardy's, Hooters, Famous Dave's, Krogere, Frito Lay, Mars Bars, the Ghostbusters, Mattel, Coldwell Banker, Merril Lynch, Quest, Warner Brothers, Best Buy, Facebook, Costco, PF Changs, Wells Fargo, People Magazine, LG, Whirlpool, the cat under the porch, IBM, Quicksilver, Wrangler, Levi's, Carhart's, Suzuki, L.A. Gear, Porshe, SONIC, In & Out, Big K, Arizona Tea, AT & T, Ferarri, the Super Dome, Nickelodeon, Perrier, Budweiser, Coors, Remmington, Oakley, Massimo, Mossberg, Ned Flanders, Rice Crispies, Kellogs, Post Cereal, Wacom, Pinesol, SE Johnson & Wax, Coast to Coast, Dominoes, Papa John's, ReMax, Goodwill, Good Year, Michelin, Tylenol, Eggo, Hasbro, Sega, Atari, Addidas, Sharpie, Excedrin, Pilot, Yamaha, NorthFace, UGGS, Crocs, Hanes, Fruit of the Loom, Lay's, Harly Davidson, etc.

Motorcycle Cowboys

I have a movie idea that I'm going to pitch to Hollywood. I really think it'd be a great summer blockbuster with lot's of licensing potential to Burger King, et al.

Motorcycle Cowboys
Synopsis:
In a quiet western bedroom community known as Dry Rock, a young ranch hand named Luke enjoys tinkering on his motorcycle, riding with friends and "picking up chicks".
One foggy Christmas hot and dry summer a cruel and murderous biker gang from Los Angeles called the Hades Saints pass through Dry Rock. Being complete "A" Holes they carelessly ride all over the streets of Dry Rock, through resident's yards and on sidewalks. They smash mail boxes, run over pets, vandalize properties and threaten everyone in site. Local law enforcement is out gunned and outnumbered.
After a bar tender at the local "watering hole" is cold heartedly murdered, Luke and his cowboy buddies decide not to take this lying down. They arm themselves with shotguns, pistols and rifles, "mount up" on their own motorcycles and prepare to confront the Hades Saints.
As Luke and his posse engage the gang, an epic battle ensues. Because of Luke and friend's equestrian experience they are better and more daring riders. Luke's friends show up in droves on all different kinds of bikes, many on dirt bikes giving them the upper hand.
Luke's posse takes a few hits but ends up gunning down many of the Hades Saints and even roping many of them off their bikes.
Finally when the battle is over, back up law enforcement arrive from the nearest big city to haul off the Hades Saints. Luke and his posse go down in Dry Rock history as heroes.

Now the really exciting part is the cool action figures that will spawn from this movie. I hope to get Mattel on the phone later this week to discuss developing a Luke action figure complete with his cowboy hat and motorcycle. Seriously licensing is going to go "off the hook"!

• Motorcycle Cowboy Pajamas
• MC Cereal
• Trading Cards
• Board Games
• Halloween Costumes
• A spin off cartoon sries
• Lunch Pales
• Etc.
  

This Blog's Irrelevance & Simultaneous Necessity

Today's post brought to you by: The Irony Weight-loss bar: Tastes so good you'll want another one, and another one!

Well, readers, after reading some other blogs recently it is quite apparent to me that this blog is greatly misguided. Most blogs seem to either be a running diary of people's personal lives so that friends & family can keep up, some kind of instructional blog to help self improvement (i.e. recipes, DIY home improvement, recipes), political ranting or exploring human performance. This blog has always been about mapping brainwaves in response to various stimuli to try and recognize, hopefully plaid patterns of amber energy maybe with a burlap texture. And WHOOPS! that's why NO ONE reads this blog! ("Did he really just say that?" you ask. Yes, yes I did.)
The question now is "What am I going to do about it?". The answer lies in the specific boundaries of the vague category of "Conformity". Psh. So basically you will read my blog if I:

• Write coherently
• Write about something you can relate to
• Write about something you can use in your life
• Write about something that will entertain or interest you

I'm gonna go with that last one & hope I will not need to drastically change NORYB. Think about it, if people did read this blog then I'd have to change the title to maybe "Some People Read Your Blog". The irony is lost & thus the reason for the blog. Kind of. Just bear with me while I "think out loud" as it were...maybe "think in typing". To make this more convoluted: I'm writing to entertain a small group of possibly British thinking (although I'm American), dry *humoristic people whose sense of humor fits with mine solely for the purpose of a really good hard laugh and maybe some tears. I say this with as much humility as possible: this blog achieves this for me. So I don't know what that says about me? I think I'm funny? Is that OK? Or is that narcissistic? Well, fine...you may think I'm pretentious, but I don't think so. I think I'm just working toward a humanity of laughing & thus peace. Do I suffer from delusions of grandeur? That's for me to know and you to find out.
Please comment. I feel like I'm talking to the proverbial wall here...or in this case, computer monitor. Isn't that the sure sign of someone who's lost his mind? Talking to himself? (It should be noted those people are rarely talking to themselves per se - as many sane people do daily, rather they are talking to a figment of their imagination that appears very real to them...so WHO'S the insane one?)
The answer to that question is an emphatic ME!
Peace out yo.


*I made this word up and am open to suggests for a more well fitting "real" word. It's OK if the real word is in another language.

Appendix A
Where Did This Come From?
The statement "plaid patterns of amber energy maybe with a burlap texture" appears to be random and under-girds the irony that pervades this blog. (Pure randomness isn't really that funny & requires some sort of irony or tie to reality to be truly funny). So let me explain..me. I have always thought it'd be interesting to "think outside the bun" in terms of how scientists map brainwaves & look for patterns. What if we combined graphic art with science? What kinds of patterns might be recognized with an artistic look?