if a blog falls in the woods...

If a blog is created and no one reads it, does it exist?

I Deduce Lang is Out to Get ME

If you get a call from 480-543-1164, don't answer it! They're looking for William Lang. Who is William Lang? you ask. Well, I don't know. But he has the same phone number as me. How does this happen I don't know, but I do know that Lang doesn't get many calls-only calls from this 480 number. I have never talked to William's friends or family, so I deduce that he is a loner and hates his family. From this I can also deduce that he maybe slightly mentally ill and is bent on destruction. Lang...could be Korean...maybe he knows/knew Cho. This is not good. I'm a little freaked out. He's probably pissed that I have his same phone number. Did you know you can find a phone by its phone number using a sattellite, a cookie sheet and some cactus oil? He is looking for me right now and he may harm me. Lang, if you're tracking me and reading this-what the freak do you want? You can have my Super Nintendo, my K2 skis, my tennis racket, my Andy Griffith DVD, and if you really must, you can take my Gibson acoustic guitar...but I still use it, so please not the guitar. Lang, let's be friends-I am really friendly. Guns are cool but not if you use them on people. If you try to shoot me, I will shoot you first-I have a gun. Let's not have this situation, OK? I also have some wine coolers you can have. Go ahead drink them-please leave my roommates out of this-what did they ever do to you?

Moon

Apparently some people think that the United States put a man on the moon in 1969. Let's think logically about this-think about your TV in 1969 (Or your mom & dad's as this was 10 years before I was born) There were like 5 channels, it was likely black and white, small and bulky. There was no remote, no sattellite TV, no cable, no MTV, no ESPN. Do you really think we had the technology to send someone into space, little lone the moon? The rubix cube hadn't even been invented! Now, I'm fully aware of the possibility that people already living on the moon probably helped out tremendously; giving us all sorts of ideas and technological advancements. They probably even gave us the space ship to get there.

How Much More Can I Think?

Well, I've pretty much said everything in these blogs I have to say. I'm out of thoughts, I've run over the proverbial edge of the world and now there is nothingness. K, bye.

Burger King and the Pursuit of Happyness

I'm just sayin' - if I was 3 months overdue on rent and I had a kid and a wife to support and nobody would buy my damn bone density scanner...I would go get a job at Burger King. They are always hiring. And who knows, you might actually like it and decide to make it your career. Then on your lunch break you could go try to sell the bone density scanners and maybe a little cheeseburger would help the sell. Plus you could have it your way. When you order your hamburger, ask for a bun between two quarter pounders. Now, am I looking down on the guy who's got the gumpture to try to be a stockbroker? No way. But you know what, if I were interning at a place like that and the boss asked me to go get him a coffee-I'd get it and then I'd bring him a skateboard and a piece of bologna. That would confuse the hell out of him.

Country Jam USA

I went to Country Jam last night. Man there's nothin' like drinkin' beer in a 'wife-beater' in 100 degree weather lookin' at scantily clad chicks or dudes to fight. Oh plus Toby Keith was there. We're looking at booking JWU next year!!

A Poem to My Sly Guy

Kuzwup's float, they do not fly
They eat grass and absorb clouds until they die
Very rarely do they cry
In treetops is where they lie
You might see them in flocks in the sky
Their skin is the color of blueberry pie
Its hard to tell a girl from a guy
For a pet, a Kuzwup you might buy
Make them happy you must try

???

Unhyuhuhhhhh

He said "Hey Josh," I looked over to see his sad, weary face, "Unhyuhuhhhhh"

Swallowing Pencils

This is Rupert, the "Drawing Dog". He is one of only a few dogs in Colorado that can draw well. Rupert is seen here lecturing on the pencil and it's origins. "The pencil is named after 'penicillin' because it was originally swallowed as a pill to kill infections," he said in a speech to Mesa State students. His claims were not referenced and no connection between pencil and penicillin can be made by reading Wikipedia. Rupert likes to listen to JWU and Tommy Heavenly6. The end.

toothpaste for lunch

Charity says: "JWU! brush your teeth and go to bed!"

Corporate Coffee

I think this is a painting of a Starbuck's...it might be a photo...yeah I think it's a photo. Mmm Starbuck's. Corporate Coffee. I think Corporate coffee is better anyway, don't you? What's with these local coffee shops popping up everywhere? One day they're going to put our beloved hometown Starbuck's out of business. Let's join together and boycott these small no name locally owned coffee shops. Take a stand for what's right. Well, hell, here are their names: Traders, Coffee Muggers, Java Junction, Cup of Heaven, ect. these people are mindlessly serving good coffee not realizing how this is harming Starbuck's. Imagine a world without Starbucks. It like the Barefoot Man sings "Does anyone speak English in Miami?" it sort of the same thing...kind of...well...it's a bit differnet.............actually it has nothing to do with that song, but do you see what I'm sayin'? So today, save some quarters you were going to put in a tip jar or drop into a charity and go support your local Starbuck's.

The Bike in Our Song "The Story of My Life"

If you'll recall the song "The Story of My Life" off of our "The Most Awesomest Band" (2007) CD, you hear the old man (not really that old as you'll note him saying 'I was born 28 years ago') talking about a bike that he buried. Here is an actual sketch of that bike.

Big Foot Smushes Dino

This is an actual photo of a Sasquatch about to step on a dinosaur. As we all know, dinosaurs are huge and so you can see how enormous the Big Foot is. It should be noted that the Big Foot is not angry, he is simply acting out of an instinct to "put out" the dinosaur because the dinosaur may be up to no good. If you ask me, we could use more Sasquatches around here to stamp out troublemaking dinosaurs.

The Yuderflut

This is an actual photograph of the Yuderflut. They are quite common even though you are not likely to see one in your lifetime. The Yuderflut lives in the abscess of your mind. They spend their days swimming in it and their primary substanance is your mind pus (which would logically be your excess thoughts, in other words the meaningless things that fly through your mind surrounding the "real" thing you're thinking about) I have washed several of these critters down the drain. Just last night I saw one in my yogurt.

PS Most of them listen to DJ Vadim

Alarm Clocks 7:59

I was 6 minutes late to work today-don't tell anyone. I have a system of setting my alarm clock 10 minutes ahead so I'm not late, but my thinking kills that failsafe. When I wake up, instead of thinking it's 10 minutes closer to time to go, I think Oh it's OK, I have 10 more minutes! So I am always just barely getting to work in the nick of time anyway. Well, remember I told you in an earlier post that aliens, extraterrestrials if you will, came and stole my alarm clock. So I got this new one and its works a little different-you have to turn the alarm back on after killing it so it's ready for the next day. I forgot to do that yesterday, so no alarm today. It seems like in this day and age we'd have more sophisticated alarm clocks-one's with a little miniature alarm clock on top that reminds you to set your alarm clock for the next day. While we're at it, how about one that could tell whether you're in bed or not by some sort of weight pad under the mattress. This way your roommates wouldn't get pissed at your clock going off when you were out of town. AND, what's with the annoying sound they make? Why can't they play soothing classical music that could put you to sleep? Oh...I see the fault in that logic, but why can't they also be used as sleep clocks? 11:00 time to sleep-*click* and you hear audio Valium. So instead of the annoying sound to wake you up, how about a little motor that winds your blinds thus letting in the sunlight and then a little arm or finger that can push the remote button to your TV that has Good Morning America playing. And then a little noise maker that sounds like other people getting up in the house and making breakfast (cause MY roommates NEVER wake up) And then a little smell unit that pumps out the smell of bacon and eggs. Then a remote control that gets the kitchen robot going that is making real bacon and eggs. That kitchen robot would be the personification of all the negative connotation of a house wife. The Kitchbot, we'd call it, would perpetually be bare foot and pregnant with a baby Kitchbot. A baby Kitchbot would be ready to take over when the old one got rusty and quit being efficient. Kitchbots would clean the toilet and vacuum too. They would have to have a sensor that told them where the cat or dog was cause a robot would not know not to vacuum the cat up. Cats hate robots.

A Wise Philosopher

I know Jack Handey is a major philosopher of our time, but we need to realize he's not the only one. Yes his "Deep Thoughts" have come to be a reference guide for quotes and wisdom. Like one time he said "If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away." or " You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. P.S.: this also works with men." Genius. Other people too have "Deep Thoughts", for instance me. I think a lot as evidenced in this blog. One of my deepest thoughts is "What if a snake started eating his own tail and continued up its body. When it gets to its neck, the next bite is its head, right? Then what happens? He just disappears!" Jack Handey is my friend in my head.

PS: Nirvanna used one of his quotes in their song "I Hate Myself and Want to Die".

Things: What an Ambigous Word

Eyes:I can't see right now no joke. Everything is blurry. I'm not going to tell you why-just leave you curious.
Bands: Everyone I think has a little want to be a rock star. Too bad you can't be in JWU, huh?
Coffee: I don't think I'm addicted, but I do think about coffee everyday and something inside of me gets really excited when someone says "Starbucks run!"
Driving: I drive fast. Slow drivers slowly drive me nuts. I wonder when I get old if I will drive slow because it is cool to drive slow when you're a geezer-or will I continue to be in a rush everywhere I go?
Internet radio: What an amazing time in the history of ..of time that we can listen to ANY genre 24 hours a day for free. As long as you have internet. I'm listening to The Wayne Mills Band right now and I have never even heard of them before. Somewhere Wayne Mills probably writing his country music and has no idea that THE Yosh is listening to his "Crossin' Dixie" and Yosh rarely listens to country....I like Tumble Town though....
Email: I have had email for probably around 12 years now. My first email was pyero@hotmail.com. I really wanted pirho but it was taken, then I learned to add numbers, so my second email was pirho777@hotmail.com. I wonder who has it now? I wonder if when I "moved out" the next person benefited from mail that I left in there. Pirho is the greek letters Pi and Rho which together sound like "pyro" which is short for pyromaniac- when I was in highschool, I liked fire and it was cool to be a pyro.
Toys: I had a lot when I was little and can remember when the fun I had with them started to wear off. I had hundreds of hotwheels and matchbox cars. I remember driving them around for hours and making highspeed police chases and car wrecks. I liked Knight Rider a lot in those days and so all my black Trans Ams were KITT.
Jon James: He grew in my town of Craig. We don't have a lot of Craig pride though... Jon James became the AV Bear in an episode by the same name where Jon Cox and Yosh decided to get his shoulder massaging reaction on video tape. The video was never released because the video camera was faulty BUT there was a scene where Jon Cox said, we are now going to enter the cave of the AV Bear (AV stands for Audio Visual or Acetate Visions-I'm not sure which) and we call him Bear cause he's a big jovial fellow and his office is always dark, shades drawn, much like a bear cave.

Al Gore or Aliens?

OK so one night Brian and I were watching TV at about 8:30 or so, when we hear this VERY loud thump on our roof. For a split second I thought "hmmm, I wonder why they're working on the roof this late" when immediately, I hear three slightly quieter thumps in a progression toward the edge of the building and then nothing.

Seriously. Either we live in the Matrix and Trinity and Neo are prancing around on buildings running from Mr. Anderson, or an alien was dropped off and lept off the building, quietly into the night.

We ran out side but saw nothing, so he must have been invisible, too.

And don't get me started on the time warps I've been in...those are even weirder...seriously.

Aliens or Al Sharpton?

OK so Brian and I were in bed one night and at EXACTLY 12 midnight (I looked at the clock) we both woke up to this really loud, really strange whirring or metallic type sound (if you listen to Muse's "Knights of Cydonia", at the very very beginning, it was just like that. I know because right when that song first came out, I heard it for the first time in my car and I broke out into a cold sweat, I thought the same thing was happening again!) Anyway I jumped out of bed because I thought maybe the air conditioner was about to explode so I turn it off and guess what? The sound was still there.

So I went to the kitchen window to see if I could see anything, but there were no lights or anything, and it sounded like it was directly overhead. So I ran to the other end of the apt (we were on the top, third floor) and opened up the screen door that led to the balcony.

IMMEDIATELY the sound dropped at least an octave lower for about 5 seconds before I heard a quiet "whoosh" like something shooting away at an unearthly high speed.

I went back to bed and didn't sleep that night. I was afraid they might come back and that maybe I wouldn't wake up this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Follow up to Bananas Gone, ALiens Here

OK secret secret, I gotta' secret....

I have had a weird thing just below my right collar bone for about 2 years now. It looks kind of like a scar on normal day. But on NOT normal days, it gets really itchy and raises up like a big bump. It's in the shape of a little implant I swear. I think that when they are tracking me is when it itches the most. No joke.

Also Brian and I have a good spaceship story to tell that will FREAK you out. But I need my morning coffee before I can tell it. Check back later. Oh and I have another one about an actual, superpowered alien that was on our roof. More later.

Computers are Neat

Computers, the new type-writer! I know they cost a lot of money, but you should really look into getting a computer! They can help you with many things! One of their specialties is that you can type things and "save" them to "diskettes". The actual "paper" is stored in a seemingly magical place inside the computer or on the "diskette". If you want it to be on paper the way the type-writer did it, then you would have the computer print. Printers may take longer than if you were to instantaneously type it, but you can make it print many copies!! Gone are the days of typing the same thing over and over! New technology in computers is coming out all the time, like the "mouse". THis object fits in the palm of your hand and enables you to move a "cursor" around on the computer monitor. (The monitor is like a television set that displays whatever you are working on) They now have color monitors too. One really new invention is called the scanner. This amazing piece of equipment can computerize a photo! This machine is like a camera that can take a picture and have it show on the monitor. I have even seen a friend do this. This same friend showed me the wonders of a thing called The Internet. This is a way of tying your computer to other computers using a telephone line. I know! I don't know how it works either! But you can "send" information through phone lines to other computers! My friend called it "E" mail which stand for electromatic mail. What a wonderful time we live in with computers!

Life With A Mohawk

Your very own Yosh of Jake Wilkinson's Unicycle decided to quit the band for the weekend to go see some bands in Denver. One of them being major influencial pop-punkers MxPx. Being a concert headed by a punk band, Yosh decided to cut his head into a mohawk. He noticed how, having a mohawk, earrings, and wearing a chain around his neck changed how people act around him. He noticed people stepping out of his way on the sidewalk, he noticed eyes averting, he noticed over-compensation by convenience store clerks going out of their way to not make any trouble. It reminds Yosh of a story called The Color Purple (I think)...or actually The Invisible Man by Ralph Waldo Ellison. Where life can be perceived though the eyes of another race, or in this case, another species, the species of the punk rawker. Yosh noticed how the nice soccer families at his hotel were afraid he would steal their lunch money and push them down on the play ground. So think about this: What if you were born a punk-rawker, forced to live in the punk-rawk lifestyle? Discriminated against by the majority, the "normal" people? Remember to treat all people equally. This is Yosh signing out from a small Comfort Inn in Loisville, Colorado. PS There is no hot tub or pool here :(

Bananas Gone, ALiens Here

Why is everyone so afraid of aliens? Really they are just an inquisitive people. I read Whitley Streiber's "Communion" and find it to be so racist toward aliens. Their skin is gray, so what? Leave them alone! You know what? In the future if we tolerate races enough and have let love flow through the races, we will all end up the same gray color anyway! If human scientists went to mars or where ever these guys are from - what would WE do? I'll tell ya what we would do, we would sneak into their houses, flash some FBI or CIA badge at them and take them take them into our ship and make them listen to Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton while we tested them for all sorts of diseases and then felt the male's you know what while we made him look right and cough. Finally we would have to take an internal temperature and that's where a "rod" or "anal probe" comes into play. So my point is, when they come-don't freak out! Just let them do their "science". Usually you won't even remember it happened until YEARS later. Last week my alarm clock started buzzing and the numbers went loopy. The other night at 4 am, my computer speakers started cracking and buzzing. They're here folks. Are you ready for it? Also, I had 5 bananas on the kitchen counter and now there's 4. I know my roommate likes bananas, but he replaces them when he steals them from me. The cat's been meowing a lot more this week. I noticed red itchy bumps on my arms and legs. My roommate's been acting strange. Don't be afraid. Keep it together.

The Day We Took Over the Radio

What would it be like if you turned on the radio and every channel was Jake Wilkinson's Unicycle? Creepy, huh! Well, we make dreams come true-even if it is a nightmare!

*In the 1950's before Charity was a part of JWU, she had a solo career. This song is called "Vitamin B1" from her 1956 album "Mrs. Cleaver's Tommy Gun"

*In the late 80's and early 90's Yosh was involved in a New Age group called Enyanni. This is the song "Watch Yourslef" from 1992's "At One With the Rocks"

*In 1996 Yosh had started his "alternative/ska/pop" band Smash Face and released "Astro Jacuzzi" in 1998 with the song "Collective Secret" The song was set to be 98's blockbuster "Can't Hardly Wait" but the group Smash Mouth was chosen instead.

*The year was 1973, a good ten years before Yosh had a race change operation. Yosh was still black and on tour with Marvin Gaye and Barry Manilow. This song call "Yeah, No" is from 73's "Sex Band Aid"

*While Yosh was wasting time in Enyanni, AV Bear was already producing Charity's 80's pop music. Back then she was known as Venus de Janet Abdule. Her top album of 1986 was "Like a Tramp" and this was it's number one hit "Patatoe Peeler"

*By 1987 Charity dropped the moniker Venus de blah blah blah...and became a Christian. "Like a Light" was the hit single that dwarfed Amy Grant in 1989" and flooded Contemporary Christian radio waves for 15 years. The album's title "Children of Sub-Saharin Asia" was long since forgotten. Like a Light can still be heard daily on K-LUV.

*In the 80's Yosh had written a novel in his head about a Warrior from another planet named King Arfdu. In 2007 Yosh introduced the story to JWU fans in the intro to their song "Rushryche" In 2007 director Ron Bulushi adapted Yosh's novel to the big screen in this summer's blockbuster "King Arfdu: The Movie" This is the radio trailer for the movie.

*1992 brought an abrupt halt to Charity's Christian music career when she mentioned "ass" in a TV interview. It was later discovered th e word was "Assassin" yet this did nothing to revive her CCM career. Instead she turned to the Nashville Country scene releasing "Night of the Living Barn Dance". This song from that album is titled "Zombie Tractor"

*Throughout the 90's it was a little known fact that Charity was galavanting around coffee shops in Organ and Washington singing and reading poetry with Harmommy about their feminst ideals. This song "He Said Sorry One Last Time" was released two months before her country album "Night of the Living Barn Dance"

*1997 brought hard times on Charity as "Night of the Living Barn Dance" sold a mere 3 units. Charity began doing step arobics videos. this was from her video "Burnin' to the Oldies"

*During her down time in the late nineties, Charity was also working for an ad agency doing voice overs for commercials. This was for Sunshine Travel Agency out of Georgia.

*In 1987 before joining Enyanni, Yosh spent several months in Italy pursuing an Italian girl he referred to as his Meat Ball. He wrote this song to her and released it on a solo CD called "Yosh: In a Gondola on River In Italy Singing to People in Restaraunts as I Pass Quietly By Under the Moonlight"

*In 1983, Yosh became a white German and joined Ich Bein Manner, the beginnings of his German heritage. IBM released a CD called "Mine Hinter Tutve" with this Christmas gem in English called "You Freak, It's July"

*"Mine Hinter Tutve" contained the hit "Spectromanolizers" which was a huge hit in Germany in 1984.

*In 2000 Yosh started working for an ad agency and did this commercial for KiddieCutlery. The Weapons Store for kids was sued when a 4 year old nicked his pinky with a nail file purchased at the store.

*Later in 2000 Yosh tried a solo career once again this time singing without any aid of the computer. "Freezer Burn" form the album "Who's That Guy?" was effective in killing all of Yosh's musical dreams.

*In 2001, full of angst, Yosh started his hard rock/metal band Tamallica. "Good for Nothing" came from their 10th CD that year called "Kill a Few of Them"

*In 2002, frustrated by his drummer's nose ring, Yosh left Tamallica and started "Type A Positive", a goth/metal outfit that quickly released it's first CD in the spring of 2003 called "Bloody Sundae". The album had a morbid take on desserts as evidenced in the song "Marshmellows are for Ninnies"

*In 2004 after relentless touring with Type A Positive in Europe, Yosh discovered death metal and decided to start a death metal side project called Corpse from the Cradle. It wasn't long before they had a full length debut titled "In the Moon Shadow of Pine Trees at Night on a dirt Road in the Mountains". The song "Dinner with Grandma" made many notable death metal compilations including "The Human Bascetti Collective"

*In 2007 after the immensely touted "The Most Awesomest Band" by Jake Wilkinson's Unicycle, the band went back into the studio to begin work on the 3rd album "Hits From the Future" which features this song "Reductio Ad Absurdum" an intelligent argument between a hillbilly girl and her paw.

*Another song from Jake Wilkinson's Unicycle's 2007 "Hits From the Future" called Hilado Burn featuring Featuring Enchilada Mackenzie. A poor Mexican jumps through hoops for his amore but she throws ice cream on him (I think). He is consoled by an ignorant Texan.

*One of the Feminist recording by Charity & Harmommy in the 90's called "Men", will be on the "Hit's From the Future" album in mid 2007.

There you have it-don't ask me anymore questions, I'm Listening to the Human League.

Hasta Llego Enchilada

I think our song Helado Burn is an ethnic tribute to our Mexican brothers and sisters to the south. While none of us are Mexican, we still enjoy the language especially Featuring Enchilada Mackenzie, he is the real voice of this song singing about wanting this woman who gives him ice cream (or something...) Enchilada (aka Nate Ralston) has studied Spanish which has helped him understand Mexican -I know this because I work with him and I went to Mexico with him once and he helped me to order a quesadilla at a taco stand. The other guy in the song is an ignorant yet compassionate Texan who stumbles on the downtrodden Featuring in a Mexican restaurant. Featuring is crying because he was dumped and offered ice cream (I think) The Texan tries to bring himself to common ground with Featuring by speaking as much Spanish as he can but does a terrible job. There is an air of unrealized arrogance as the Texan brings up his favorite food: Cub Cr...Club Crackers with guacamole on them. He wrongly teaches the Mexican that these crackers come from Keebler Elves. The Texan fully believes these elves are real and have a cracker factory in the forest. The other voice belongs to Maria Espinoza-Perez-Juarez who was the one breaking up with poor Featuring Enchilada Mackenzie. This is making me thirsty for a Corona.

Sorry Vegetarians: A Treatise on Non-Vegtable Animals

I keep wondering what it would be like if I were painted blue by hostile men who wanted to chop my head off and kick it down the stairs but gave me a chance to get away. If they let me run but decided to use me as target practice as I tried to get away and then chased me into the jungle-what it be like? I think I would be really pissed at them for shooting arrows at me and then I would find the part of the jungle I was familiar with and then those suckers would be in for it. It is morals like this we can gain from watching movies. I know, I know, there are reasons to to not watch movies also, like goriness. Gory scenes can make you feel queezy and then play through your head over and over not being pleasant. I doubt it really happens much, but seeing an Aztec rip the still beating heart out of a guy's chest might actually make someone want to do it too. I was feeling kind of tempted to build a gory pig trap in my backyard after the movie. It would have some sort of bait on it and when the pig crossed the trigger mechanism-WHAMO! Big spikes would impale the pig and I'd have dinner for months. I would make bacon, ham and even hotdogs. They would be pork hotdogs cause a pig is not beef. I like beef hotdogs the best though, so maybe I would have to lure a horse in the trap. I know- horse is not beef either, but you know a beef animal is sure to be around a horse and the horse would lead him to the trap. Then we could make hamburger patties. Man, you can get quite a few burgers out of one cow. I might even open my own little Mc Donald's with a sign saying "All Fresh Beef" and I could prove it by shooting the cow right in front of the family ordering. I think I would open the place right in my neighborhood, the family friendly neighborhood burger joint. Meat is good for you but you should only have as much as the size of your hand everyday. Some people think meat is bad, how can it be? We're made of meat and we're not bad.

Singin'

Charity and Brian have always been known as the lead singers of JWU, but after hearing our newest song "The Day We Took Over the Radio" you will begin to see how I am becoming an up and coming singer soon to take over JWU. I know know I know. I will be signing autographs this weekend in Denver.

I Stole a Little Girl's Bike

We think it would be funny if you found a pink and white little girl's bike in someone's trash pile and rode around with us. Well I found you one the other night. I was pulling into our driveway at close to midnight when the neighbor's trash pile caught my eye. There it was: tiny with white tires and pink pedals and pink grips. I snagged it for you. As I examined it I found nothing wrong other than a flat back tire. Gosh, I really hope the neighbors were getting rid of it, because if they weren't, I just stole it. Please understand, I did not steal this bike. I didn't punch a little girl in the face, knock her down and ride off on her bike. I found it. In a trash pile I found it. I guess technically taking someone's trash IS theft, but who cares? I don't care if you steal my trash.