22 Things of Successful People

1. Eat folic acid.
    Successful people eat lots of B9 to repair DNA. Broken DNA = cancer. If it tastes bad, eat with a spoonful of sugar.

2. Organize your sock drawer.
    It's called Feng Shui, look it up. Having dress socks invade the space of athletic socks will make your brain feel "off" all day.

3. Run with scissors.
    That's right I said it. This dangerous situation will elevate adrenaline levels & make you feel unstoppable.

4. Don't do drugs.
    It's been proven that drugs like crack cocaine, heroine, meth, tylenol and pot cause things to happen in the brain leading to a life in the ghetto and using robbery to gain things and money.

5. Masticate.
    Your stomach will thank you for thoroughly chewed food.

6. Don't let go.
    I heard this in a Weezer song. If someone has made you mad, there's a reason for it & you won't feel closure until you've gotten revenge.

7. Compliment people.
    Especially people that are ugly or stupid. It will be hard but find something to compliment. Maybe the way they look- OK then you'd be lying. Don't lie. Maybe tell them they worded that last phrase nicely...well, I don't know...stop looking at me.

8. Always look at the bright side of life.
    Monty Python told us this and you know, he was right. After I totaled my Honda in a horrific accident one year, I immediately thought "That fool's insurance just bought me a new truck! Woo hoo!"

9. Umm... well OK, just 9 things....

Talking to Inanimate Objects

This one was a bit too nasty for the Facebook world, so it's a treat for all you NORYB readers! Enjoy & share!!

The Two Party System is Flawed

I'm not schooled enough to know how the two distinct parties formed, but anyone can tell that today there is an unprecedented divergence the two main parties. The biggest flaw is how much they have become opposed to each other.
The different parties are best described as "Birthday Party" and "Alcohol Party". In the former party these other such parties fit: "Pajama Parties", "Kid's Parties", etc. In the latter we have "Dance Parties" & "House Parties".
The flaw becomes apparent when you say to your parents "I'm going to a party tonight" and they look at you with consternation. You must clarify "Oh! I meant, a birthday party!" Suddenly their minds are filled with images of cakes, candles & jovial friends. The other kind of party could be nothing but immorality: drugs, alcohol abuse, broken furniture, vomit, gangsta rap and/or sex.

Guns

Guns. I have them and I'm afraid to admit it. Why? Because although the CONSTITUTION (A book of light suggestions from a group of people who had some minor part in forming the USA or something) says we have a right to bare arms, I'm afraid that even writing this post has flagged me in an FBI database as having arms!
Like many Americans I have at least 2. They are both VERY powerful and capable of lots of damage and yes, even death! (Even though they aren't labeled "Assault Weapons")  The key, though is using them ONLY in self defense or maybe sport. Also key is knowing how to correctly use them.
I dread the day when the gov't will crack down once again, this time on ALL arms, and come to take MY guns. It's about rights, people. Rights and FREEDOM.
So from now on I'm going to be a little quieter about my arms. No more gun shows (Sorry ladies). I don't know what the big deal is between just having arms and baring arms? But yes, from time to time I have gone around with a sleeveless shirt and exercised my right to bare arms. Suck it, fascist government!

The Puppy Room

Have you heard of this new thing going on? You have now! It's catching on from what I hear. I just sort of perused that article but from what I gather a school will have a designated room full of puppies. I imagine that puppies will need to pass a certain aptitude test to qualify. This would obviously include:
• age (probably not more than a few months old)
• softness
• niceness
• cuddle-ability
• cuteness
Puppies will need to be happy and lovable. I guess one just enters the room and sort of "dives in" to the "pool" of puppies? I presume there will then be puppies licking & nuzzling people? There will probably need to be rules as to how deep the puppies can be piled? Rules about not taking the puppies with you when you leave?
Well on any account the idea sounds...uh...soft?

The Fiscal Cliff, Isn't it Just Math?

The most prominent thing in political news directly following the re-election of Barak Obama is "The Fiscal Cliff".  I'm no accountant or economist or whatever and so I don't really understand it, I just know it has to do with our country going back into the dust bowl if we don't figure something out. 

Here's what I don't understand: Out of 300 million people living in the US, don't we have anyone smart enough to figure something out? I mean, it seems like all we need is a mathmagician, right? Out of 300 billion people, aren't there probably like a trillion or so people who know math inside out & upside down? Out of those million people there's got to be at least 20 million mathmagicians out there who could maybe go into a college lecture hall with one of those 30 foot high chalk boards and work out an equation to save us all.

Here's what I do understand: Debt (pronounced Det), is where you have negative money. This is where things get fuzzy, cause I don't really get how you can have less than zero of anything although I am currently there with my mortgage. So right now the US has minus some trillion dollars. And I do understand that a trillion is a really, really, really big....like hmm...take a footlong hotdog....no...something longer like... a snake....and ..no, a giraffe neck....and like you have a mil- no, a hundred thousand of those.... well actually probably it's more like every grain of sand on every beach you've ever seen. OK and so we have to figure a way to cut down (& eventually eliminate, hahahahaha, huh....eliminate this debt). All I know is it will take something DRASTIC! And that is why I employ the mathmagicians of the US to help save us!

Diagnosis of RSO

Had a routine check up at the doctor the other day. He ended  up diagnosing what's been causing a number of my aches & pains, restlessness, faux British accent, and a leftward tendency in gait. X Rays revealed a condition he called "Roto-skeletal Orthopediaitis" or  RSO. RSO effects 1 out of every 7 billion people. He said, to put it in simple terms my entire skeleton is sideways in compared with my body. (I think this what he was saying). Sure enough though, I have realized many details that coincide with his diagnosis:
• Contrarian thoughts and opinions.
• Having trouble sipping coffee without it dribbling down my lip.
• Running in circles to the left (mostly on the track around the football field)
• Sitting at my desk in a "C" position.
• Listening to obscure electronica on Pandora all day. 
• Minor sleep apnea
• Excessive daydreaming
• Random burst of laughter not involving what you'd generally perceive as "funny".
• Delusions of grandeur in ways only grandiose to me.
• Laundry
Luckily he said there is a drug I can get down at the Pharmacy called "Pluhseebough" (that's probably not how you spell it). He also showed me some stretches I can do to try & correct my skeletal misplacement. One involves gripping a secure structure near me and turning really hard. Thanks for reading, friends! I should be doing OK in a month or two!
Would love your prayers & encouragement in my time of healing!