The Two Party System is Flawed

I'm not schooled enough to know how the two distinct parties formed, but anyone can tell that today there is an unprecedented divergence the two main parties. The biggest flaw is how much they have become opposed to each other.
The different parties are best described as "Birthday Party" and "Alcohol Party". In the former party these other such parties fit: "Pajama Parties", "Kid's Parties", etc. In the latter we have "Dance Parties" & "House Parties".
The flaw becomes apparent when you say to your parents "I'm going to a party tonight" and they look at you with consternation. You must clarify "Oh! I meant, a birthday party!" Suddenly their minds are filled with images of cakes, candles & jovial friends. The other kind of party could be nothing but immorality: drugs, alcohol abuse, broken furniture, vomit, gangsta rap and/or sex.

Guns

Guns. I have them and I'm afraid to admit it. Why? Because although the CONSTITUTION (A book of light suggestions from a group of people who had some minor part in forming the USA or something) says we have a right to bare arms, I'm afraid that even writing this post has flagged me in an FBI database as having arms!
Like many Americans I have at least 2. They are both VERY powerful and capable of lots of damage and yes, even death! (Even though they aren't labeled "Assault Weapons")  The key, though is using them ONLY in self defense or maybe sport. Also key is knowing how to correctly use them.
I dread the day when the gov't will crack down once again, this time on ALL arms, and come to take MY guns. It's about rights, people. Rights and FREEDOM.
So from now on I'm going to be a little quieter about my arms. No more gun shows (Sorry ladies). I don't know what the big deal is between just having arms and baring arms? But yes, from time to time I have gone around with a sleeveless shirt and exercised my right to bare arms. Suck it, fascist government!

The Puppy Room

Have you heard of this new thing going on? You have now! It's catching on from what I hear. I just sort of perused that article but from what I gather a school will have a designated room full of puppies. I imagine that puppies will need to pass a certain aptitude test to qualify. This would obviously include:
• age (probably not more than a few months old)
• softness
• niceness
• cuddle-ability
• cuteness
Puppies will need to be happy and lovable. I guess one just enters the room and sort of "dives in" to the "pool" of puppies? I presume there will then be puppies licking & nuzzling people? There will probably need to be rules as to how deep the puppies can be piled? Rules about not taking the puppies with you when you leave?
Well on any account the idea sounds...uh...soft?

The Fiscal Cliff, Isn't it Just Math?

The most prominent thing in political news directly following the re-election of Barak Obama is "The Fiscal Cliff".  I'm no accountant or economist or whatever and so I don't really understand it, I just know it has to do with our country going back into the dust bowl if we don't figure something out. 

Here's what I don't understand: Out of 300 million people living in the US, don't we have anyone smart enough to figure something out? I mean, it seems like all we need is a mathmagician, right? Out of 300 billion people, aren't there probably like a trillion or so people who know math inside out & upside down? Out of those million people there's got to be at least 20 million mathmagicians out there who could maybe go into a college lecture hall with one of those 30 foot high chalk boards and work out an equation to save us all.

Here's what I do understand: Debt (pronounced Det), is where you have negative money. This is where things get fuzzy, cause I don't really get how you can have less than zero of anything although I am currently there with my mortgage. So right now the US has minus some trillion dollars. And I do understand that a trillion is a really, really, really big....like hmm...take a footlong hotdog....no...something longer like... a snake....and ..no, a giraffe neck....and like you have a mil- no, a hundred thousand of those.... well actually probably it's more like every grain of sand on every beach you've ever seen. OK and so we have to figure a way to cut down (& eventually eliminate, hahahahaha, huh....eliminate this debt). All I know is it will take something DRASTIC! And that is why I employ the mathmagicians of the US to help save us!

Diagnosis of RSO

Had a routine check up at the doctor the other day. He ended  up diagnosing what's been causing a number of my aches & pains, restlessness, faux British accent, and a leftward tendency in gait. X Rays revealed a condition he called "Roto-skeletal Orthopediaitis" or  RSO. RSO effects 1 out of every 7 billion people. He said, to put it in simple terms my entire skeleton is sideways in compared with my body. (I think this what he was saying). Sure enough though, I have realized many details that coincide with his diagnosis:
• Contrarian thoughts and opinions.
• Having trouble sipping coffee without it dribbling down my lip.
• Running in circles to the left (mostly on the track around the football field)
• Sitting at my desk in a "C" position.
• Listening to obscure electronica on Pandora all day. 
• Minor sleep apnea
• Excessive daydreaming
• Random burst of laughter not involving what you'd generally perceive as "funny".
• Delusions of grandeur in ways only grandiose to me.
• Laundry
Luckily he said there is a drug I can get down at the Pharmacy called "Pluhseebough" (that's probably not how you spell it). He also showed me some stretches I can do to try & correct my skeletal misplacement. One involves gripping a secure structure near me and turning really hard. Thanks for reading, friends! I should be doing OK in a month or two!
Would love your prayers & encouragement in my time of healing! 

Discussion on the News Lately 8-17-12

Well hello everyone. It's been a while since I last wrote...it was March...that's...um....well i don't want to do the math. It's been several months. A few important things have happened lately that need to be discussed:
1.) Wildfires in Colorado. Are you for or against? Let's be civil in our discussion, OK? I just want to go ahead & put it out there: I'm against them. Yes, and I'm not ashamed to say it.

2.) Chik-Fil-A. This has been one of the hottest debates in recent history & has "blown up" on Facebook walls. I haven't really looked into the debate, but seriously what can people have against Chicken? If it's animal cruelty, well even the cows are telling us to eat there. I'm for Chik Fil A. We have too many burger joints & KFC needs some competition.

3.) Barak vs Mitt. *sigh*. I hate politics.

4.) Shootings in Aurora. OK, double yoo, tee, eff? This is SUCH a sad tragedy!! I keep thinking about the events that happened that day & what deviations in that day  could/would have stopped James Holms? Like what if on his way to the theater he saw  a puppy & decided life was precious & had a change of mind? Of course for someone as demented as him he probably would have shot the puppy. But maybe that would have satisfied his need to kill? Maybe that puppy could have saved 12 lives? An animal sacrifice if you will. Poor puppy.
Anyway, so I guess his apartment was booby trapped? What's up with that? The killer didn't want any burglars breaking in? How come none of his booby trappery backfired on him? Come on Fate, help us out! I mean, I'm a law abiding trustworthy citizen & some mornings before I have coffee I can't make it through a door without plastering my face on the glass & leaving half the crap I was supposed to take with me that day. Why couldn't Holms have woke up groggy one day & set off one of his bombs & "taken care of himself". Know what I mean?
I understand home security though. I don't want any emm effers breaking into my house. I have some standard security precautions set up. But just today I was thinking of some more "out of the box" security features. Like what if someone broke in & instead of seeing all the stuff they wanted to steal, they were just confused? Like what if the first thing they saw was another wall. & then there was peanut butter on the floor? They would go around the wall & see a little machine in the center of the room just working, you know like doing stuff, but who knows what this machine is? From another room there'd be like a soft "mooing" sound. Then they'd try to take the TV but when they pulled it off the stand it's be tied down underneath with half a mile of dental floss. If they stepped in the right place a hatch would open & dump a bucket of salami & baloney on their head. Finally they'd just be like "this guy a effed in the head! man let's get outta here!"

Having Children, Stupid Children

I got to thinking I am a little reticent about having kids and so I tried to come up with why. I think my biggest fear is: What if I have a stupid child? No, I don't mean a mentally handicapped kid, I mean, just a stupid kid.
 Like what if he does everything that annoys me? What if he chews with his mouth open? What if he wears stupid clothes with high-water jeans & un-matching socks with holes in the toes? What if he doesn't take showers & always stinks? What if he says stupid things all the time? (Like "Dad, I don't want to go school, I just want to be a rockstar") What if he's lazy & only plays video games? What if he has a snotty nose & rubs it on his sleeve? & then sometimes when you give him a hug he gets boogers on you? What if sometimes he just stands there in the front yard picking his nose & when he realizes you're staring at him, he just turns around & gives you "stank eye"? What if whenever he talks, he has a snot bubble in his throat & won't clear it? What if he does clear it but all the fricken time & really loudly? What if he tells all my friends secret things that his mother & I talk about in private? What if his boogers are green? What if he's always farting in public?
 I wouldn't hate this child, I would just have disdain for him.
What if he had stupid ideas on foreign policy? What if he likes reality TV? What if he can't make a Free Throw? What if he spits into the wind or always pees uphill? What if he gets all of his knowledge from Wikipedia? What if he puts his underwear on backwards sometimes, even when he's in middle school?  What if he only does band in school & doesn't go out for any sports?

You see, I have some legitimate concerns. Nobody can guarantee you get a cool kid & this is why I may not have children.