What Does My Dream Mean?

We all have dreams, as the AV Bear once wrote, but do our dreams mean anything?
A couple of nights ago I dreamt about Mary Kate and Ashley Kate Olsen riding a "pocket rocket" (a miniature motorcycle)
What does this mean?
I will attempt to translate this dream, but please comment this blog and tell me what you think it means!
I think the motorcycle in this dream symbolizes my "need for speed" if you will....or maybe transportation...or possibly that I will be given a motorcycle soon by someone reading this blog... the Olsen twins symbolize my need to date a twin...or maybe that I have a twin brother seperated at birth(that would explain the scar on my hip). The fact that they are celebrities means I will be famous someday. The girls sucked at driving the thing which says to me that the human race is beginning to fail at overall motor skills, eye/hand coordination and brain to body communication. We are devolving and celebrities are leading humanities devolution on pocket rockets.

It's Time/The Time is Now

We've been pondering and discussing for too long now. I, for one, am tired of us just sitting here on our collective tooshes talking about doing stuff and then doing nothing. The time is now, let's take action. Rally the troops! Call your friends. Call your family. Call your representative. No more inaction starting now. What would MLK think of our inaction? Ghandi?

• Make pickett signs
• Buy a bullhorn
• Write your Congressman
• Write the President
• Write foreign dignitaries
• Conserve
• Argue with people
• Be the change you wish to see
• Free Tibet
• Go green or maybe blue (blue is the color of air and water therefore good too)
  
• Eat organic (this means food with organs)
  
• Buy only fair trade (I had previously mixed this term up with fur trade-oops)
  
• Boycott Epcott (Epcott Center at Disney World because they are guilty of Racial Profiling)
  
• Throw paint on every fur coat you see (I suggest making sure it is not synthetic fur, and also make sure it was animal that was skinned alive)
• Peace
• Make love not war
• Don't eat things with faces (this is not too difficult as we usually don't eat the face of the animal)
  
• Boycott global warming
• God hates flags (I don't know I heard that somewhere)
• Support the troops
• God bless America
• Be more Patriotic
• Eat your vegies
• Vote
• Be informed (there a number for this, call 411)
• Fight communism (I suggest a having a loaded gun near by at all times)
  
• Build a fall out bunker in your backyard in case you fall out
  
• Boycott Hitler and Nazi's and anyone who reminds you of them
• Protest child labor (actually let's protest all labor)
• Buy an American
• Start printing propaganda
• It doesn't matter whether you are a part of the Republican, Democrat, or Other parties, just remember to party!

The Absence of Time and Presence of Evolution Hath Brought Me Wings!

OK...so scientists recently discovered there is no such thing as time. I am incredibly joyous about this decision. This is the biggest discovery since they discovered evolution. This means we should throw away our clocks! As they are false. I am so happy that I will never be late to work again! I will be able to watch my favorite TV show right NOW! (Even though it comes on at 6:00) (because there is no such thing as 6:00 anymore!) Actually I can pretty much do ANYTHING now. I have been patiently waiting for evolution to bring me wings (I have been watching my shoulder blades slowly protruding from my back) but now there is NO WAITING!! WOO HOO!! I'm going to fly this weekend...wait! There's no no more "this weekend"! I can fly now! Ut oh... maybe evolution thought I ordered hot wings....oh well-I'm hungry, I could go for that too.

We Draw, You Decide

We draw,
you decide.

Happy New Year, Lenny

Well, here I am, in 2008. I'm listening to Lenny Welch. I am the future, he is the past. It's cool here Lenny. Your albums came out in the 1960's, you probably lived in a covered wagon. Your time was so long ago Lenny, I feel for your hard times, you probably didn't have electricity or running water. You were black and so you may have been a slave in your time. I wish you could have seen the year 2008. Racism is nearly extinct. The only people using the "N" word today are Gangsta Rappers. Gangsta Rap is a type of music that you didn't have back then. Your rap is what we refer to as "Old Skool" because it was invented in an old school building. You may remember such rappers as Run DMC and The Fresh Prince. I don't believe they ever used the "N" word. My worship pastor actually used the word the other day. In case you didn't know, the N word is "Nursery". I'm sorry. I won't say it again.
Anyways, 2008 is nothing like 2007. Everything is different. The trees are more "stickly", there is white "junk" on the ground everywhere. There is supposedly still "Global Warming" going on but it is really cold outside. Cars are different. There are more animals. There are more cars. Traffic is worse. Time moves more quickly. Perry Como is dead. There is the World Wide Web still but every website is different. Phone booths are obsolete. People don't write "handwritten" letters anymore. My kitchen is a mess from the New Year's party. I'm older. I'm out of milk. On the bright side:

• We may see flying cars this year (I hope).
• Hopefully the new US President will be Margret Thatcher.
• I'm looking forward to the Nintendo and Apple merger and the creation of the iWii.
• Thumbprint ID for every PC (no one will ever be able to hack into your MySpace and post Ringtone ads again)
• The end of world hunger.
• War in Iraq.
• A Creed reunion.
• Smellovision.
• A return to 1950's era etiquette.
• An anitvirus for the Vampiris virus.
• Learning chips that program knowledge into your brain so kids won't have to go to school anymore.
• Supercomputers.
• Bigger pick up trucks.
• McDonald's ULTRA Supersize meals with 1 gallon soda cups and "gorge" size fries.
• Buttons on Blog editors that automatically bullet lists

Enjoy 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Freakin Super Banana

Is it just me, or have you guys noticed the abnormally large produce at Wal Mart?

• Tomatoes the size of softballs.
  
• Onions the size of um...softballs.
  
• Huge apples
  
• and oranges
• Pumpkins
• Potatoes
• Celery sticks as big as...softballs
• Even their non-produce is huge, like the meat and even the paper-towel rolls
• Strawberries as big as meteorites
  

I believe they are pumping them full of hormones to make them look more desirable on the shelf. They are chemically doing things to make their color brighter because they are picking them before they are ripe. I kind of think this Gigantor Food is disgusting, but I eat it nevertheless. Today for instance, I was eating a banana and it was a powerful banana. its skin nearly impenetrable. I grabbed the opener tab and pulled like usual but the babana would not open. I yanked on that sucker and instead of ripping open I was just turning the insides into mush.
Oh well, look at the bright side. If these hormones are causing the fruit to become "Super", they probably are doing the same for us. I've noticed I don't have anymore symptoms of puberty (we can argue whether this is due to my age -28-or the Wal MArt produce) I have heard parents saying their kids are growing up much faster these days. See? How bad can these hormones be? Maybe since my bananana had tough skin, by eating it I will too. Then you can level all your insults at me and nothing will hurt me.

2008 Resolutions

Well....I've decided since you're not reading this I might as well get personal and post my new year's resolutions. There are quite a few as I was a screw up this year:

I resolve to:

1. To become a better listener (to aide in this I will buy hearing aides. I know I don't need them, but they will aide me)

2. To get stronger bodywise. I will carry large pails of water up long flights of stairs. I will pick up heavy things whenever I think about it (for instance, if I'm standing by the fridge I will do some reps by lifting it off the floor-maybe...I might not be able to because it is extremely heavy) I will do door-frame chin-ups. I will do jumping jacks while waiting for things (in the elevator or in line at the post office)

3. To get stronger brainwise. I will read while doing jumping jacks. I will read whatever I can, newspapers, dictionary, encyclopedias, Bibles, magazines, phonebooks, travel brochures, billboards, license plates, informational signs (IN, OUT, MEN, WOMEN, STOP, YEILD), the CNN ticker, the internet, mass mailings, reader boards, credit card applications, dossiers, milk cartons, text messages and receipts. Oh and a book.

4. I will laugh more. This will include seeing more comedies as well as "laugh inducing"-such things as tickling myself, telling myself jokes, forcing myself to laugh at nothing, witnessing sight gags, looking for misspelled reader boards, observing people do stupid things like slipping on ice and cracking their head, putting a rubber band around a dog's snout and watch him try to get it off, stare at people, inhale Nitrous Oxide, etc.

5. I will be nicer to people. I will let people into my lane in traffic, even if they don't wave "thank you". Help an old lady across the street. Sell boyscout cookies (or girl if they're out). I will do a kid's homework and try to get a good grade. I will shovel the snow of one person's driveway for a maximum of $10. I will give the hobo's money for beer.

6. I will try to cook something new next year. Maybe a Kish Cake. Or I wonder what it will taste like to bake stawberries.

7. I will take time out to write "that novel". It will probably be an autobiography about my own life. It will start out when I was born and how I grew into a young boy. I liked to dig holes in the back yard, yada yada. I will write every chance I am not doing jumping jacks or reading. This means lap top everywhere! If you see me with my lap top don't bother me as I am writing my novel. Unless you can remind me of something that happened to me in my life. Then come on over and tell me.

8. I WILL travel more. I will plan trips to places I have never been such as South Carolina, Asia, the Eifle Tower (the one in Paris), Huntertown Indiana, the moon (if I can score a ride), 39°34′29″N, 75°35′37″W, The Savings Bank Museum in Southwest Scotland.

9. Have more dreams. This may be hard to make happen but maybe eating pizza at midnight will help. I will study R.E.M. sleep and how to make it happen. I hope to have fun flying dreams.

10. Become famous. I don't know what this looks like as 2008 is still weeks away, but I will either be an up and coming actor in Hollywood, a rising Rock Star in a band called Tweep, a famous neuro-sugeon or possbibly the inventor of something. Or maybe I will just shoot for the Ginus Book of World Records-maybe world's coolest made up accent? I don't we'll see. Well, I'm out, but I will see you 2008! Until then, let's make peace here in 2007! Peace out!

"Elsie, how the hell did you get up there?"