Hasta Llego Enchilada

I think our song Helado Burn is an ethnic tribute to our Mexican brothers and sisters to the south. While none of us are Mexican, we still enjoy the language especially Featuring Enchilada Mackenzie, he is the real voice of this song singing about wanting this woman who gives him ice cream (or something...) Enchilada (aka Nate Ralston) has studied Spanish which has helped him understand Mexican -I know this because I work with him and I went to Mexico with him once and he helped me to order a quesadilla at a taco stand. The other guy in the song is an ignorant yet compassionate Texan who stumbles on the downtrodden Featuring in a Mexican restaurant. Featuring is crying because he was dumped and offered ice cream (I think) The Texan tries to bring himself to common ground with Featuring by speaking as much Spanish as he can but does a terrible job. There is an air of unrealized arrogance as the Texan brings up his favorite food: Cub Cr...Club Crackers with guacamole on them. He wrongly teaches the Mexican that these crackers come from Keebler Elves. The Texan fully believes these elves are real and have a cracker factory in the forest. The other voice belongs to Maria Espinoza-Perez-Juarez who was the one breaking up with poor Featuring Enchilada Mackenzie. This is making me thirsty for a Corona.

Sorry Vegetarians: A Treatise on Non-Vegtable Animals

I keep wondering what it would be like if I were painted blue by hostile men who wanted to chop my head off and kick it down the stairs but gave me a chance to get away. If they let me run but decided to use me as target practice as I tried to get away and then chased me into the jungle-what it be like? I think I would be really pissed at them for shooting arrows at me and then I would find the part of the jungle I was familiar with and then those suckers would be in for it. It is morals like this we can gain from watching movies. I know, I know, there are reasons to to not watch movies also, like goriness. Gory scenes can make you feel queezy and then play through your head over and over not being pleasant. I doubt it really happens much, but seeing an Aztec rip the still beating heart out of a guy's chest might actually make someone want to do it too. I was feeling kind of tempted to build a gory pig trap in my backyard after the movie. It would have some sort of bait on it and when the pig crossed the trigger mechanism-WHAMO! Big spikes would impale the pig and I'd have dinner for months. I would make bacon, ham and even hotdogs. They would be pork hotdogs cause a pig is not beef. I like beef hotdogs the best though, so maybe I would have to lure a horse in the trap. I know- horse is not beef either, but you know a beef animal is sure to be around a horse and the horse would lead him to the trap. Then we could make hamburger patties. Man, you can get quite a few burgers out of one cow. I might even open my own little Mc Donald's with a sign saying "All Fresh Beef" and I could prove it by shooting the cow right in front of the family ordering. I think I would open the place right in my neighborhood, the family friendly neighborhood burger joint. Meat is good for you but you should only have as much as the size of your hand everyday. Some people think meat is bad, how can it be? We're made of meat and we're not bad.

Singin'

Charity and Brian have always been known as the lead singers of JWU, but after hearing our newest song "The Day We Took Over the Radio" you will begin to see how I am becoming an up and coming singer soon to take over JWU. I know know I know. I will be signing autographs this weekend in Denver.

I Stole a Little Girl's Bike

We think it would be funny if you found a pink and white little girl's bike in someone's trash pile and rode around with us. Well I found you one the other night. I was pulling into our driveway at close to midnight when the neighbor's trash pile caught my eye. There it was: tiny with white tires and pink pedals and pink grips. I snagged it for you. As I examined it I found nothing wrong other than a flat back tire. Gosh, I really hope the neighbors were getting rid of it, because if they weren't, I just stole it. Please understand, I did not steal this bike. I didn't punch a little girl in the face, knock her down and ride off on her bike. I found it. In a trash pile I found it. I guess technically taking someone's trash IS theft, but who cares? I don't care if you steal my trash.

one more thing about salt lake

Last night I saw a Mormon missionary going into a liquor store. It made me all warm and fuzzy inside.

Secret Mormon Handshake

OK. I love Mormons, right? They are pretty much the nicest people ever to head out west and settle and build a beautiful temple. They are kind and thoughtful, and they don't act fake at all.

So when I heard from a freind of a friend of a dishwasher at a popular local pub that there was a secret mormon handshake, I wasn't surprised. But last night I had a startling revelation- (oh did I mention I'm in Salt Lake City for the next few days? OK, back to the revelation-) I have discovered that Mormons walk on the LEFT side of the side walk. I'm not sure if they do this to seek out other Mormons or not, but it would make sense. I experimented with this many times last night, and EVERYTIME, they knew I wasn't a mormon b/c I walked on the right side consistantly. Not that they were discriminatory against me... they kindof just gave me that far-0ff look of forelornment, a slight bit of pity that I'm not allowed in their Temple.

Today I am going to try and walk on the left and see if someone might shake my hand in that "special" way. I really want to go in that temple, but I think I'll have to settle for watching some movies about the history of Joseph Smith in the visitor's center instead. Such is.

We Are the Sliced Strawberry in Your Life

The party was flowin' with a constant roar of talking and laughter. The lights were bright, the carpet was clean, everyone was smiling. People were eating from a smorgesboard of snacks prepared by the host; I had a paper plate with nachos, a peanut butter brownie and a slice of fruit pizza. I clawed at a sliced strawberry and it slipped from my grip and landed on one of the host's bar stools. I looked down at the slice of strawberry on the clean cushion and became oblivious to everything around me. With the strawberry in the center of my vision, the chair and everything around me spun to a blur into my mind. I made a mark...messy and stained as it it is, there is a mark in their house because of my presence. We here at JWU Industries are like that strawberry in your life. We come in, spill drink on your carpet, eat all your food and outstay our welcome. So put on "The Most Awesomest Band", sit back and enjoy some Arizona tea, because we are here for you. You're welcome.