We Can Fight the Invasion!

So I just read the news about the US shooting down its own spy satellite. Now, I'm not one of those goofy hair-brained conspiracy theorists, but this event smells to high heavens of a conspiracy. First of all, how the hell does our technologically advanced government lose control of several million dollar top secret satellite? Second of all, if they did why can't they send a bomb to first attach itself and THEN detonate? Or a robot to dismantle it or just fly it back to earth? Oh wait-I just got a word from or producer-the satellite's tape deck got stock playing White Lion on a continuous loop and was broadcasting it to every radio station on earth. Apparently Japan was the only country that didn't vote to blow it up.
So there was definitely a conspiracy going on. I used my brain power and inductive reasoning to realize that this satellite was being used to make Elmo dolls say "Kill James" or "Kill ___" whomever. Think of it! Using Elmo dolls to tell kids to kill whomever needed to die. Using this satellite they built an army of kids to do their bidding. This is definitely the best way to defeat the Illumanati of Reptillian and Chicken people. (I say chicken, but they could just as much be goose, turkey or any type of bird as noted by their "goosebumps" on their skin-especially when they are cold)
You Grand Junctionites know one of their prominent people as well as I do-we call him "Bird Man" and he is often seen on Grand Ave. throwing bird seed out to his less evolved people. I have been hoping for our police or someone to monitor him, but it looks like I will need to do it myself. It won't take long for him to lead us to the Turkey People's secret lair here in Junction (the main one being under DIA in Denver).
I'm willin' to betcha it's under the Alpine Bank. They like to use conspicuous buildings because the best place to hide something is in plain site. Also I have heard a "turkey gobble" once when walking by the Alpine Bank. Keep your ears open for this. Also look out for triangle shaped objects flying in the sky, particularly around that bank.

Ways to Thwart the Turkey People

• Eat chicken noodle soup
• Bath in broth
• Wear "hush puppies" in order to sneak up on them
• Identify them and mark them so we all know who they are (post it notes work well)
• Pay attention to people who spend too much time in the bird isle at the pet store
• Sometime if you make the sound of a prop plane around them it will scare them
• Keep the heat low in your house - the colder the better so as to remind them of a feezer
• Celebrate Thanksgiving-they HATE this day as we gather with families and eat their people
• Support the airlines (this pisses off the bird people because humans have learned to fly)
• Get a cat as a pet (they love to eat birds)
  

Our Existence Explained!

Everything make so much sense now! I'm listening to UFO Paranormal Radio and finally I understand our origins, Atlantis, Hell, UFO's, Hades, Reptillian People, Autism (dolphins trapped in human bodies), sasquatches (bear/human hybrid) etc. Us humans(mamillions) are actually invaders of this planet.
There are 130 or more subterranian bases here in North America where people are being killed by the Reptillians and these stories are covered up as "mine accidents"! The Reptillians can shape shift to look like humans and they have formed secret sects. Have you ever seen someone with Reptillian looking eyes? Those people are not human! They're shape shifted Reptillians!! Don't trust them! You know all the pictures of the devil you've seen? That's a Reptillian! All this knowledge is blowing my mind!
I'm so scared right now. I had already thought that cats were an advanced star people with a higher form of communication than our own. It is so obvious how snide they are. It is also pretty obvious how closely related they are to porpoises and thus autistic children. I saw a YouTube video of a guy who could draw a bird's eye view of Rome after a 15 minute helicopter ride. That is not human! Come on people! This stuff is all right in front of us! Don't be blind! Here are other things I've observed:

• Birds flying in triangle pattern (the same shape as many UFO's)
• Unexplained scars on my body that look like they were caused by reptiles
• Many people in public acting in a zombie-like manner
• The similarity of our skin to feathers (where do you think goose bumps came from?)
  
• Animals looking at me curiously betraying a higher intelligence
  
• A disappearance of bananas from my kitchen counter
• How the placenta seems to be some sort of "belly" tail on the human (doctors have been cutting the wrong end for thousands of years)
  
• Snowmen that are too tall to possibly have been built by humans
• Inventions way too complicated for normal humans to have made
  

What Does My Dream Mean?

We all have dreams, as the AV Bear once wrote, but do our dreams mean anything?
A couple of nights ago I dreamt about Mary Kate and Ashley Kate Olsen riding a "pocket rocket" (a miniature motorcycle)
What does this mean?
I will attempt to translate this dream, but please comment this blog and tell me what you think it means!
I think the motorcycle in this dream symbolizes my "need for speed" if you will....or maybe transportation...or possibly that I will be given a motorcycle soon by someone reading this blog... the Olsen twins symbolize my need to date a twin...or maybe that I have a twin brother seperated at birth(that would explain the scar on my hip). The fact that they are celebrities means I will be famous someday. The girls sucked at driving the thing which says to me that the human race is beginning to fail at overall motor skills, eye/hand coordination and brain to body communication. We are devolving and celebrities are leading humanities devolution on pocket rockets.

It's Time/The Time is Now

We've been pondering and discussing for too long now. I, for one, am tired of us just sitting here on our collective tooshes talking about doing stuff and then doing nothing. The time is now, let's take action. Rally the troops! Call your friends. Call your family. Call your representative. No more inaction starting now. What would MLK think of our inaction? Ghandi?

• Make pickett signs
• Buy a bullhorn
• Write your Congressman
• Write the President
• Write foreign dignitaries
• Conserve
• Argue with people
• Be the change you wish to see
• Free Tibet
• Go green or maybe blue (blue is the color of air and water therefore good too)
  
• Eat organic (this means food with organs)
  
• Buy only fair trade (I had previously mixed this term up with fur trade-oops)
  
• Boycott Epcott (Epcott Center at Disney World because they are guilty of Racial Profiling)
  
• Throw paint on every fur coat you see (I suggest making sure it is not synthetic fur, and also make sure it was animal that was skinned alive)
• Peace
• Make love not war
• Don't eat things with faces (this is not too difficult as we usually don't eat the face of the animal)
  
• Boycott global warming
• God hates flags (I don't know I heard that somewhere)
• Support the troops
• God bless America
• Be more Patriotic
• Eat your vegies
• Vote
• Be informed (there a number for this, call 411)
• Fight communism (I suggest a having a loaded gun near by at all times)
  
• Build a fall out bunker in your backyard in case you fall out
  
• Boycott Hitler and Nazi's and anyone who reminds you of them
• Protest child labor (actually let's protest all labor)
• Buy an American
• Start printing propaganda
• It doesn't matter whether you are a part of the Republican, Democrat, or Other parties, just remember to party!

The Absence of Time and Presence of Evolution Hath Brought Me Wings!

OK...so scientists recently discovered there is no such thing as time. I am incredibly joyous about this decision. This is the biggest discovery since they discovered evolution. This means we should throw away our clocks! As they are false. I am so happy that I will never be late to work again! I will be able to watch my favorite TV show right NOW! (Even though it comes on at 6:00) (because there is no such thing as 6:00 anymore!) Actually I can pretty much do ANYTHING now. I have been patiently waiting for evolution to bring me wings (I have been watching my shoulder blades slowly protruding from my back) but now there is NO WAITING!! WOO HOO!! I'm going to fly this weekend...wait! There's no no more "this weekend"! I can fly now! Ut oh... maybe evolution thought I ordered hot wings....oh well-I'm hungry, I could go for that too.

We Draw, You Decide

We draw,
you decide.

Happy New Year, Lenny

Well, here I am, in 2008. I'm listening to Lenny Welch. I am the future, he is the past. It's cool here Lenny. Your albums came out in the 1960's, you probably lived in a covered wagon. Your time was so long ago Lenny, I feel for your hard times, you probably didn't have electricity or running water. You were black and so you may have been a slave in your time. I wish you could have seen the year 2008. Racism is nearly extinct. The only people using the "N" word today are Gangsta Rappers. Gangsta Rap is a type of music that you didn't have back then. Your rap is what we refer to as "Old Skool" because it was invented in an old school building. You may remember such rappers as Run DMC and The Fresh Prince. I don't believe they ever used the "N" word. My worship pastor actually used the word the other day. In case you didn't know, the N word is "Nursery". I'm sorry. I won't say it again.
Anyways, 2008 is nothing like 2007. Everything is different. The trees are more "stickly", there is white "junk" on the ground everywhere. There is supposedly still "Global Warming" going on but it is really cold outside. Cars are different. There are more animals. There are more cars. Traffic is worse. Time moves more quickly. Perry Como is dead. There is the World Wide Web still but every website is different. Phone booths are obsolete. People don't write "handwritten" letters anymore. My kitchen is a mess from the New Year's party. I'm older. I'm out of milk. On the bright side:

• We may see flying cars this year (I hope).
• Hopefully the new US President will be Margret Thatcher.
• I'm looking forward to the Nintendo and Apple merger and the creation of the iWii.
• Thumbprint ID for every PC (no one will ever be able to hack into your MySpace and post Ringtone ads again)
• The end of world hunger.
• War in Iraq.
• A Creed reunion.
• Smellovision.
• A return to 1950's era etiquette.
• An anitvirus for the Vampiris virus.
• Learning chips that program knowledge into your brain so kids won't have to go to school anymore.
• Supercomputers.
• Bigger pick up trucks.
• McDonald's ULTRA Supersize meals with 1 gallon soda cups and "gorge" size fries.
• Buttons on Blog editors that automatically bullet lists

Enjoy 2008!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!