toothpaste for lunch

Charity says: "JWU! brush your teeth and go to bed!"

Corporate Coffee

I think this is a painting of a Starbuck's...it might be a photo...yeah I think it's a photo. Mmm Starbuck's. Corporate Coffee. I think Corporate coffee is better anyway, don't you? What's with these local coffee shops popping up everywhere? One day they're going to put our beloved hometown Starbuck's out of business. Let's join together and boycott these small no name locally owned coffee shops. Take a stand for what's right. Well, hell, here are their names: Traders, Coffee Muggers, Java Junction, Cup of Heaven, ect. these people are mindlessly serving good coffee not realizing how this is harming Starbuck's. Imagine a world without Starbucks. It like the Barefoot Man sings "Does anyone speak English in Miami?" it sort of the same thing...kind of...well...it's a bit differnet.............actually it has nothing to do with that song, but do you see what I'm sayin'? So today, save some quarters you were going to put in a tip jar or drop into a charity and go support your local Starbuck's.

The Bike in Our Song "The Story of My Life"

If you'll recall the song "The Story of My Life" off of our "The Most Awesomest Band" (2007) CD, you hear the old man (not really that old as you'll note him saying 'I was born 28 years ago') talking about a bike that he buried. Here is an actual sketch of that bike.

Big Foot Smushes Dino

This is an actual photo of a Sasquatch about to step on a dinosaur. As we all know, dinosaurs are huge and so you can see how enormous the Big Foot is. It should be noted that the Big Foot is not angry, he is simply acting out of an instinct to "put out" the dinosaur because the dinosaur may be up to no good. If you ask me, we could use more Sasquatches around here to stamp out troublemaking dinosaurs.

The Yuderflut

This is an actual photograph of the Yuderflut. They are quite common even though you are not likely to see one in your lifetime. The Yuderflut lives in the abscess of your mind. They spend their days swimming in it and their primary substanance is your mind pus (which would logically be your excess thoughts, in other words the meaningless things that fly through your mind surrounding the "real" thing you're thinking about) I have washed several of these critters down the drain. Just last night I saw one in my yogurt.

PS Most of them listen to DJ Vadim

Alarm Clocks 7:59

I was 6 minutes late to work today-don't tell anyone. I have a system of setting my alarm clock 10 minutes ahead so I'm not late, but my thinking kills that failsafe. When I wake up, instead of thinking it's 10 minutes closer to time to go, I think Oh it's OK, I have 10 more minutes! So I am always just barely getting to work in the nick of time anyway. Well, remember I told you in an earlier post that aliens, extraterrestrials if you will, came and stole my alarm clock. So I got this new one and its works a little different-you have to turn the alarm back on after killing it so it's ready for the next day. I forgot to do that yesterday, so no alarm today. It seems like in this day and age we'd have more sophisticated alarm clocks-one's with a little miniature alarm clock on top that reminds you to set your alarm clock for the next day. While we're at it, how about one that could tell whether you're in bed or not by some sort of weight pad under the mattress. This way your roommates wouldn't get pissed at your clock going off when you were out of town. AND, what's with the annoying sound they make? Why can't they play soothing classical music that could put you to sleep? Oh...I see the fault in that logic, but why can't they also be used as sleep clocks? 11:00 time to sleep-*click* and you hear audio Valium. So instead of the annoying sound to wake you up, how about a little motor that winds your blinds thus letting in the sunlight and then a little arm or finger that can push the remote button to your TV that has Good Morning America playing. And then a little noise maker that sounds like other people getting up in the house and making breakfast (cause MY roommates NEVER wake up) And then a little smell unit that pumps out the smell of bacon and eggs. Then a remote control that gets the kitchen robot going that is making real bacon and eggs. That kitchen robot would be the personification of all the negative connotation of a house wife. The Kitchbot, we'd call it, would perpetually be bare foot and pregnant with a baby Kitchbot. A baby Kitchbot would be ready to take over when the old one got rusty and quit being efficient. Kitchbots would clean the toilet and vacuum too. They would have to have a sensor that told them where the cat or dog was cause a robot would not know not to vacuum the cat up. Cats hate robots.

A Wise Philosopher

I know Jack Handey is a major philosopher of our time, but we need to realize he's not the only one. Yes his "Deep Thoughts" have come to be a reference guide for quotes and wisdom. Like one time he said "If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away." or " You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. P.S.: this also works with men." Genius. Other people too have "Deep Thoughts", for instance me. I think a lot as evidenced in this blog. One of my deepest thoughts is "What if a snake started eating his own tail and continued up its body. When it gets to its neck, the next bite is its head, right? Then what happens? He just disappears!" Jack Handey is my friend in my head.

PS: Nirvanna used one of his quotes in their song "I Hate Myself and Want to Die".