Alarm Clocks 7:59

I was 6 minutes late to work today-don't tell anyone. I have a system of setting my alarm clock 10 minutes ahead so I'm not late, but my thinking kills that failsafe. When I wake up, instead of thinking it's 10 minutes closer to time to go, I think Oh it's OK, I have 10 more minutes! So I am always just barely getting to work in the nick of time anyway. Well, remember I told you in an earlier post that aliens, extraterrestrials if you will, came and stole my alarm clock. So I got this new one and its works a little different-you have to turn the alarm back on after killing it so it's ready for the next day. I forgot to do that yesterday, so no alarm today. It seems like in this day and age we'd have more sophisticated alarm clocks-one's with a little miniature alarm clock on top that reminds you to set your alarm clock for the next day. While we're at it, how about one that could tell whether you're in bed or not by some sort of weight pad under the mattress. This way your roommates wouldn't get pissed at your clock going off when you were out of town. AND, what's with the annoying sound they make? Why can't they play soothing classical music that could put you to sleep? Oh...I see the fault in that logic, but why can't they also be used as sleep clocks? 11:00 time to sleep-*click* and you hear audio Valium. So instead of the annoying sound to wake you up, how about a little motor that winds your blinds thus letting in the sunlight and then a little arm or finger that can push the remote button to your TV that has Good Morning America playing. And then a little noise maker that sounds like other people getting up in the house and making breakfast (cause MY roommates NEVER wake up) And then a little smell unit that pumps out the smell of bacon and eggs. Then a remote control that gets the kitchen robot going that is making real bacon and eggs. That kitchen robot would be the personification of all the negative connotation of a house wife. The Kitchbot, we'd call it, would perpetually be bare foot and pregnant with a baby Kitchbot. A baby Kitchbot would be ready to take over when the old one got rusty and quit being efficient. Kitchbots would clean the toilet and vacuum too. They would have to have a sensor that told them where the cat or dog was cause a robot would not know not to vacuum the cat up. Cats hate robots.

A Wise Philosopher

I know Jack Handey is a major philosopher of our time, but we need to realize he's not the only one. Yes his "Deep Thoughts" have come to be a reference guide for quotes and wisdom. Like one time he said "If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away." or " You know one thing that will really make a woman mad? Just run up and kick her in the butt. P.S.: this also works with men." Genius. Other people too have "Deep Thoughts", for instance me. I think a lot as evidenced in this blog. One of my deepest thoughts is "What if a snake started eating his own tail and continued up its body. When it gets to its neck, the next bite is its head, right? Then what happens? He just disappears!" Jack Handey is my friend in my head.

PS: Nirvanna used one of his quotes in their song "I Hate Myself and Want to Die".

Things: What an Ambigous Word

Eyes:I can't see right now no joke. Everything is blurry. I'm not going to tell you why-just leave you curious.
Bands: Everyone I think has a little want to be a rock star. Too bad you can't be in JWU, huh?
Coffee: I don't think I'm addicted, but I do think about coffee everyday and something inside of me gets really excited when someone says "Starbucks run!"
Driving: I drive fast. Slow drivers slowly drive me nuts. I wonder when I get old if I will drive slow because it is cool to drive slow when you're a geezer-or will I continue to be in a rush everywhere I go?
Internet radio: What an amazing time in the history of ..of time that we can listen to ANY genre 24 hours a day for free. As long as you have internet. I'm listening to The Wayne Mills Band right now and I have never even heard of them before. Somewhere Wayne Mills probably writing his country music and has no idea that THE Yosh is listening to his "Crossin' Dixie" and Yosh rarely listens to country....I like Tumble Town though....
Email: I have had email for probably around 12 years now. My first email was pyero@hotmail.com. I really wanted pirho but it was taken, then I learned to add numbers, so my second email was pirho777@hotmail.com. I wonder who has it now? I wonder if when I "moved out" the next person benefited from mail that I left in there. Pirho is the greek letters Pi and Rho which together sound like "pyro" which is short for pyromaniac- when I was in highschool, I liked fire and it was cool to be a pyro.
Toys: I had a lot when I was little and can remember when the fun I had with them started to wear off. I had hundreds of hotwheels and matchbox cars. I remember driving them around for hours and making highspeed police chases and car wrecks. I liked Knight Rider a lot in those days and so all my black Trans Ams were KITT.
Jon James: He grew in my town of Craig. We don't have a lot of Craig pride though... Jon James became the AV Bear in an episode by the same name where Jon Cox and Yosh decided to get his shoulder massaging reaction on video tape. The video was never released because the video camera was faulty BUT there was a scene where Jon Cox said, we are now going to enter the cave of the AV Bear (AV stands for Audio Visual or Acetate Visions-I'm not sure which) and we call him Bear cause he's a big jovial fellow and his office is always dark, shades drawn, much like a bear cave.

Al Gore or Aliens?

OK so one night Brian and I were watching TV at about 8:30 or so, when we hear this VERY loud thump on our roof. For a split second I thought "hmmm, I wonder why they're working on the roof this late" when immediately, I hear three slightly quieter thumps in a progression toward the edge of the building and then nothing.

Seriously. Either we live in the Matrix and Trinity and Neo are prancing around on buildings running from Mr. Anderson, or an alien was dropped off and lept off the building, quietly into the night.

We ran out side but saw nothing, so he must have been invisible, too.

And don't get me started on the time warps I've been in...those are even weirder...seriously.

Aliens or Al Sharpton?

OK so Brian and I were in bed one night and at EXACTLY 12 midnight (I looked at the clock) we both woke up to this really loud, really strange whirring or metallic type sound (if you listen to Muse's "Knights of Cydonia", at the very very beginning, it was just like that. I know because right when that song first came out, I heard it for the first time in my car and I broke out into a cold sweat, I thought the same thing was happening again!) Anyway I jumped out of bed because I thought maybe the air conditioner was about to explode so I turn it off and guess what? The sound was still there.

So I went to the kitchen window to see if I could see anything, but there were no lights or anything, and it sounded like it was directly overhead. So I ran to the other end of the apt (we were on the top, third floor) and opened up the screen door that led to the balcony.

IMMEDIATELY the sound dropped at least an octave lower for about 5 seconds before I heard a quiet "whoosh" like something shooting away at an unearthly high speed.

I went back to bed and didn't sleep that night. I was afraid they might come back and that maybe I wouldn't wake up this time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Follow up to Bananas Gone, ALiens Here

OK secret secret, I gotta' secret....

I have had a weird thing just below my right collar bone for about 2 years now. It looks kind of like a scar on normal day. But on NOT normal days, it gets really itchy and raises up like a big bump. It's in the shape of a little implant I swear. I think that when they are tracking me is when it itches the most. No joke.

Also Brian and I have a good spaceship story to tell that will FREAK you out. But I need my morning coffee before I can tell it. Check back later. Oh and I have another one about an actual, superpowered alien that was on our roof. More later.

Computers are Neat

Computers, the new type-writer! I know they cost a lot of money, but you should really look into getting a computer! They can help you with many things! One of their specialties is that you can type things and "save" them to "diskettes". The actual "paper" is stored in a seemingly magical place inside the computer or on the "diskette". If you want it to be on paper the way the type-writer did it, then you would have the computer print. Printers may take longer than if you were to instantaneously type it, but you can make it print many copies!! Gone are the days of typing the same thing over and over! New technology in computers is coming out all the time, like the "mouse". THis object fits in the palm of your hand and enables you to move a "cursor" around on the computer monitor. (The monitor is like a television set that displays whatever you are working on) They now have color monitors too. One really new invention is called the scanner. This amazing piece of equipment can computerize a photo! This machine is like a camera that can take a picture and have it show on the monitor. I have even seen a friend do this. This same friend showed me the wonders of a thing called The Internet. This is a way of tying your computer to other computers using a telephone line. I know! I don't know how it works either! But you can "send" information through phone lines to other computers! My friend called it "E" mail which stand for electromatic mail. What a wonderful time we live in with computers!