Saturday, February 8, 2014
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
Area Man's Lucky Shirt Compels Seahawks to Win Super Bowl
Matt Roberts has been a Seahawks fan for as long as he can remember, and now Seattle's NFL representation, as well as the world's Seahwaks fans, should get to know Matt. Why? Matt claims to be the reason for the big win over the Denver Broncos in Super Bowl XLVIII on Sunday, February 2, 2014.
"I knew it, I knew it I knew it! It was this jersey," exclaimed Matt as he pointed to his #12 jersey. The "12" represents Seattle's "12th Man", which refers to the fans who's cheering through the 2013/14 season was measured to be the loudest in the NFL.
"I mean, if you think it about it, we the fans are already considered part of the team...you know the 12th man," he said. It is noted that crowd noise can sufficiently disrupt an opponent and is part of the advantage of playing at home.
"I have all kinds of 'Hawks t-shirts, hats, sweatshirts, jackets, pants, shoes...but I have noticed this season that when I wear my 12th man shirt, we win! Well...maybe not always...sometimes we just make big plays when I have the shirt on!" Roberts explained excitedly.
When asked if he actually believed his shirt had to do with the Super Bowl blowout, Matt said "Absolutely. Yeah, its my shirt and I will be wearing it all next season...probably everyday!"
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
An Open Letter to William P. Doughenbough
Dear Willy,
Long time no talk! I was going through some old photos and saw you in the background that one time we camping at Bear Lake and Rob got stupid drunk & put that squirrel suit on was jumping in the fire! Hahaha...he still has 3rd degree burns. Remember you & me was tryin' to get the suit off but it just melted to his skin! HA!
Well anyway, how ya been? Still in New Mexico? Did you ever find that midget woman that ran off with your briefcase in Las Vegas after the National Clown Convention?
Things are good here. I'm still trying for the "thing" we talked about, haha. Another few paychecks & I'll be able to get enough gasoline, rope and bologna. However I will probably need to take a loan out for the bus and all the bubble wrap we're gonna need. Did I tell you? Yeah we're probably gonna have to get 2 tons of bubble wrap and bologna.
Well, write me back when you can. I know they don't give you much break time in the dog food industry, but maybe one night when you're not at Bula's Big Beautiful Brothel or whatever that bar is, you can write back!
~Yosh
Long time no talk! I was going through some old photos and saw you in the background that one time we camping at Bear Lake and Rob got stupid drunk & put that squirrel suit on was jumping in the fire! Hahaha...he still has 3rd degree burns. Remember you & me was tryin' to get the suit off but it just melted to his skin! HA!
Well anyway, how ya been? Still in New Mexico? Did you ever find that midget woman that ran off with your briefcase in Las Vegas after the National Clown Convention?
Things are good here. I'm still trying for the "thing" we talked about, haha. Another few paychecks & I'll be able to get enough gasoline, rope and bologna. However I will probably need to take a loan out for the bus and all the bubble wrap we're gonna need. Did I tell you? Yeah we're probably gonna have to get 2 tons of bubble wrap and bologna.
Well, write me back when you can. I know they don't give you much break time in the dog food industry, but maybe one night when you're not at Bula's Big Beautiful Brothel or whatever that bar is, you can write back!
~Yosh
Friday, April 5, 2013
News Points this April 5th Day of 2013
Children with RSV urged to add a "P"
Kids suffering with this respiratory tract infection are said to feel much better if they would just "répondez s'il vous plaît" "Please Respond" to an invitation.
Gun Control Bills in Congress
Lawmakers are trying to get stricter gun control measures set in place. It's not clear what proponents of gun control expect these measures to accomplish in deterring gun violence. Perhaps some sort of "Cruise Control" mechanism that helps an inanimate object decide when a gun is being used improperly?
North Korea Suffers from "Napoleon Syndrome"
Taking from his father's genes, Kim Jong Un has exhibited behaviors of men suffering from "Napoleon" or "Little Man" Syndrome. The psychological state refers to men, small in stature, trying to compensate for their smallness by acting in overly aggressive ways and making threats on much larger men they feel threatened by.
Recent statements by the North Korean government show a leader that feels threatened by his severe military inferiority trying to compensate by making threats to a country who, in response, could accidentally leave the North Korean nation a smoldering pile of debris.
Residents of Baghdad, Iraq have been seen making a "No no no, what the hell are you doing?" gesture toward North Korea.
When the U.S. was asked if they are concerned with North Korea's threats, their response after a second of preoccupation with Afghanistan was "North Who? Oh, yeah yeah, them. Um...tell him I'm in a meeting & will get back to him when I can. For now tell her I have enough thin mints, thank you very much."
Kids suffering with this respiratory tract infection are said to feel much better if they would just "répondez s'il vous plaît" "Please Respond" to an invitation.
Gun Control Bills in Congress
Lawmakers are trying to get stricter gun control measures set in place. It's not clear what proponents of gun control expect these measures to accomplish in deterring gun violence. Perhaps some sort of "Cruise Control" mechanism that helps an inanimate object decide when a gun is being used improperly?
North Korea Suffers from "Napoleon Syndrome"
Taking from his father's genes, Kim Jong Un has exhibited behaviors of men suffering from "Napoleon" or "Little Man" Syndrome. The psychological state refers to men, small in stature, trying to compensate for their smallness by acting in overly aggressive ways and making threats on much larger men they feel threatened by.
Recent statements by the North Korean government show a leader that feels threatened by his severe military inferiority trying to compensate by making threats to a country who, in response, could accidentally leave the North Korean nation a smoldering pile of debris.
Residents of Baghdad, Iraq have been seen making a "No no no, what the hell are you doing?" gesture toward North Korea.
When the U.S. was asked if they are concerned with North Korea's threats, their response after a second of preoccupation with Afghanistan was "North Who? Oh, yeah yeah, them. Um...tell him I'm in a meeting & will get back to him when I can. For now tell her I have enough thin mints, thank you very much."
Thursday, April 4, 2013
22 Things of Successful People
1. Eat folic acid.
Successful people eat lots of B9 to repair DNA. Broken DNA = cancer. If it tastes bad, eat with a spoonful of sugar.
2. Organize your sock drawer.
It's called Feng Shui, look it up. Having dress socks invade the space of athletic socks will make your brain feel "off" all day.
3. Run with scissors.
That's right I said it. This dangerous situation will elevate adrenaline levels & make you feel unstoppable.
4. Don't do drugs.
It's been proven that drugs like crack cocaine, heroine, meth, tylenol and pot cause things to happen in the brain leading to a life in the ghetto and using robbery to gain things and money.
5. Masticate.
Your stomach will thank you for thoroughly chewed food.
6. Don't let go.
I heard this in a Weezer song. If someone has made you mad, there's a reason for it & you won't feel closure until you've gotten revenge.
7. Compliment people.
Especially people that are ugly or stupid. It will be hard but find something to compliment. Maybe the way they look- OK then you'd be lying. Don't lie. Maybe tell them they worded that last phrase nicely...well, I don't know...stop looking at me.
8. Always look at the bright side of life.
Monty Python told us this and you know, he was right. After I totaled my Honda in a horrific accident one year, I immediately thought "That fool's insurance just bought me a new truck! Woo hoo!"
9. Umm... well OK, just 9 things....
Successful people eat lots of B9 to repair DNA. Broken DNA = cancer. If it tastes bad, eat with a spoonful of sugar.
2. Organize your sock drawer.
It's called Feng Shui, look it up. Having dress socks invade the space of athletic socks will make your brain feel "off" all day.
3. Run with scissors.
That's right I said it. This dangerous situation will elevate adrenaline levels & make you feel unstoppable.
4. Don't do drugs.
It's been proven that drugs like crack cocaine, heroine, meth, tylenol and pot cause things to happen in the brain leading to a life in the ghetto and using robbery to gain things and money.
5. Masticate.
Your stomach will thank you for thoroughly chewed food.
6. Don't let go.
I heard this in a Weezer song. If someone has made you mad, there's a reason for it & you won't feel closure until you've gotten revenge.
7. Compliment people.
Especially people that are ugly or stupid. It will be hard but find something to compliment. Maybe the way they look- OK then you'd be lying. Don't lie. Maybe tell them they worded that last phrase nicely...well, I don't know...stop looking at me.
8. Always look at the bright side of life.
Monty Python told us this and you know, he was right. After I totaled my Honda in a horrific accident one year, I immediately thought "That fool's insurance just bought me a new truck! Woo hoo!"
9. Umm... well OK, just 9 things....
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Talking to Inanimate Objects
This one was a bit too nasty for the Facebook world, so it's a treat for all you NORYB readers! Enjoy & share!!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
The Two Party System is Flawed
I'm not schooled enough to know how the two distinct parties formed, but anyone can tell that today there is an unprecedented divergence the two main parties. The biggest flaw is how much they have become opposed to each other.
The different parties are best described as "Birthday Party" and "Alcohol Party". In the former party these other such parties fit: "Pajama Parties", "Kid's Parties", etc. In the latter we have "Dance Parties" & "House Parties".
The flaw becomes apparent when you say to your parents "I'm going to a party tonight" and they look at you with consternation. You must clarify "Oh! I meant, a birthday party!" Suddenly their minds are filled with images of cakes, candles & jovial friends. The other kind of party could be nothing but immorality: drugs, alcohol abuse, broken furniture, vomit, gangsta rap and/or sex.
The different parties are best described as "Birthday Party" and "Alcohol Party". In the former party these other such parties fit: "Pajama Parties", "Kid's Parties", etc. In the latter we have "Dance Parties" & "House Parties".
The flaw becomes apparent when you say to your parents "I'm going to a party tonight" and they look at you with consternation. You must clarify "Oh! I meant, a birthday party!" Suddenly their minds are filled with images of cakes, candles & jovial friends. The other kind of party could be nothing but immorality: drugs, alcohol abuse, broken furniture, vomit, gangsta rap and/or sex.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
